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Babycakes by Neil Gaiman

Original post by Standard member Hand of Hecate, 19 Feb '09 21:11
  1. Uselessly Infuriated
    Evolution in Action
    Joined : 08 Feb '05
    Moves : 14612
    I found this, and found it very disturbing. Thought y'all might appreciate a little animal rights activism this afternoon.

    Baby Cakes by Neil Gaiman

    A few years back all of the animals went away.

    We woke up one morning, and they just weren't there anymore. They didn't even leave us a note, or say goodbye. We never figured out quite where they'd gone.

    We missed them.

    Some of us thought that the world had ended, but it hadn't. There just weren't any more animals. No cats or rabbits, no dogs or whales, no fish in the seas, no birds in the skies.

    We were all alone.

    We didn't know what to do.

    We wandered around lost, for a time, and then someone pointed out that just because we didn't have animals anymore, that was no reason to change our lives. No reason to change our diets or to cease testing products that might cause us harm.

    After all, there were still babies.

    Babies can't talk. They can hardly move. A baby is not a rational, thinking creature.

    And we used them.

    Some of them we ate. Baby flesh is tender and succulent.

    We flayed their skin and decorated ourselves in it. Baby leather is soft and comfortable.

    Some of them we tested.

    We taped open their eyes, dripped detergents and shampoos in, a drop at a time.

    We scarred them and scalded them. We burn them. We clamped them and planted electrodes into their brains. We grafted, and we froze and we irradiated.

    The babies breathed our smoke, and the babies’ veins flowed with our medicines and drugs, until the stopped breathing or their blood ceased to flow.

    It was hard, of course, but necessary.

    No one could deny that.

    With the Animals gone, what else could we do?

    Some people complained, of course. But then, they always do.

    And everything went back to normal.

    Only...

    Yesterday, all the babies were gone.

    We don't know where they went. We didn't even see them go.

    We don't know what we're going to do without them.

    But we'll think of something. Humans are smart. It's what makes us superior to the animals and the babies.

    We'll figure something out.
  2. Michigan
    Joined : 05 Oct '05
    Moves : 39962
    Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
    I found this, and found it very disturbing. Thought y'all might appreciate a little animal rights activism this afternoon.

    Baby Cakes by Neil Gaiman

    A few years back all of the animals went away.

    We woke up one morning, and they just weren't there anymore. They didn't even leave us a note, or say goodbye. We never figured out quite where ...[text shortened]... es us superior to the animals and the babies.

    We'll figure something out.
    Kudos, my friend. Or are you simply luring us in?
  3. Joined : 10 Apr '06
    Moves : 19564
    Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
    I found this, and found it very disturbing. Thought y'all might appreciate a little animal rights activism this afternoon.

    Baby Cakes by Neil Gaiman

    A few years back all of the animals went away.

    We woke up one morning, and they just weren't there anymore. They didn't even leave us a note, or say goodbye. We never figured out quite where ...[text shortened]... es us superior to the animals and the babies.

    We'll figure something out.
    This is going up on the wall of my hypothetical vegan coffee shop.
  4. If Theres Hell Below
    We're All Gonna Go!
    Joined : 10 Sep '05
    Moves : 10228
    Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
    I found this, and found it very disturbing. Thought y'all might appreciate a little animal rights activism this afternoon.

    Baby Cakes by Neil Gaiman

    A few years back all of the animals went away.

    We woke up one morning, and they just weren't there anymore. They didn't even leave us a note, or say goodbye. We never figured out quite where ...[text shortened]... es us superior to the animals and the babies.

    We'll figure something out.
    I wonder if neil's daughter was drawing under his desk as usual when he wrote that.
  5. Uselessly Infuriated
    Evolution in Action
    Joined : 08 Feb '05
    Moves : 14612
    Originally posted by wormwood
    I wonder if neil's daughter was drawing under his desk as usual when he wrote that.
    I imagine he was trepanning her skull at the time.
  6. Michigan
    Joined : 05 Oct '05
    Moves : 39962
    Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
    trepanning
    Think I'll skip the lookup this time.
  7. Uselessly Infuriated
    Evolution in Action
    Joined : 08 Feb '05
    Moves : 14612
    Originally posted by SJ247
    Think I'll skip the lookup this time.
    Ignorant heathen. Trepanning is a centuries old medical practice involving drilling, cutting or scrapping a hole in the skull.
  8. Joined : 10 Jan '08
    Moves : 8135
    hhmmm tasty bloody veil.
  9. Michigan
    Joined : 05 Oct '05
    Moves : 39962
    Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
    Ignorant heathen. Trepanning is a centuries old medical practice involving drilling, cutting or scrapping a hole in the skull.
    And what malady was this technique believed to cure? Or have you been hanging out in the medieval torture device sites again?
  10. Joined : 01 Apr '05
    Moves : 8760
    I think it was to let more creativity and inspirational ideas and all that stuff flow into the skull more easily.
  11. If Theres Hell Below
    We're All Gonna Go!
    Joined : 10 Sep '05
    Moves : 10228
    Originally posted by SJ247
    And what malady was this technique believed to cure? Or have you been hanging out in the medieval torture device sites again?
    demon possession.

    it's way older than historical time though, maybe even the oldest trick in the... um, well there wasn't any books yet. but reeally old.

    the vict... I mean patients, got better too. as was evident from grown new bone in the opening.

    so apparently it worked. yay science!
  12. Thread Killing Chimp
    In your retina!:D
    Joined : 09 May '05
    Moves : 42859
    animals > shampoo
    animals <<<<<<<< science

    when animals are gone we could choose to only test stuff on people who need money and want to do it, babies cry to much.
  13. Joined : 15 Aug '05
    Moves : 93505
    Originally posted by zozozozo
    animals > shampoo
    animals <<<<<<<< science

    when animals are gone we could choose to only test stuff on people who need money and want to do it, babies cry to much.
    Remove the baby's vocal cords perhaps?
  14. Lippy Brat
    Joined : 15 Apr '06
    Moves : 9667
    Originally posted by wormwood
    demon possession.

    it's way older than historical time though, maybe even the oldest trick in the... um, well there wasn't any books yet. but reeally old.

    the vict... I mean patients, got better too. as was evident from grown new bone in the opening.

    so apparently it worked. yay science!
    Also used as a cure for mental illness, headaches, epilepsy and a number of other weird things.
  15. Thread Killing Chimp
    In your retina!:D
    Joined : 09 May '05
    Moves : 42859
    Originally posted by Sicilian Smaug
    Remove the baby's vocal cords perhaps?
    thats a good idea, i hope that in the future we can geneticly modify DNA and create babys without the vocal cord in vitro
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