Jokes

Originally posted by phil3000
And stuck on your head

LOL nice one.
Always wondered why people call me Richard Cranium

Musical jokes:

Theinfamous Msc
February 7, 2012 ·
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

Q.What do you get if you drop a grand piano down a mine shaft?


A. A flat miner.

I heard that corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Originally posted by phil3000
What do you call a Spaniard that has had his car stolen ?...Carlos
Spanish archer .....El bow

Spanish fireman .......Jose ...and his brother Jos ..b
Muslim with a piece of pork on his head ...hamhead
Muslim with a piece of pork on his head strongly saying no ...shakemahamhead .

Q: What is the difference between a recorder and a piano?

A: Piano burns longer...

Originally posted by Ponderable
Q: What is the difference between a recorder and a piano?

A: Piano burns longer...

i went for a job interview a while ago, i got asked "what is your main weakness"

me..thats my honesty...

interviewer..ha ha honesty is not a weakness

me..i honestly dont give a feck what you think

Two Ladies at the café.
"Chess gave me my happiest hours."
"I didn't know you played the game."
"My husband does..."

Originally posted by roma45
i went for a job interview a while ago, i got asked "what is your main weakness"

me..thats my honesty...

interviewer..ha ha honesty is not a weakness

me..i honestly dont give a feck what you think

I went to a job interview it was for a handy man .
The interviewer asked .." can you do a bit of plumbing ?"
I "no"
He then asked me " can you do a bit of joinery ?"
I said " sorry ,no"
He asked me " can you do a bit of gardening "
Again I said "no " ,,,,,, " did you read the add in the paper correctly I was looking for a handy man " said the interviewer , I replied " but I am a handy man I only live around the corner "...

My grandson is at the age of asking the question "why" after every answer.
So I only drink coffee on days ending with "y"... 😀

A hotel guest in Taiwan comes down to reception to make a few requests about the room he has just checked in to.

"The mini bar is empty. I'd like it stocked."

"Very good, sir."

"I need help adjusting the air conditioning".

"Of course. We'll send our handyman up."

"Could I arrange it so that no calls are put through to the phone in the room?"

"Right you are."

"And I'd like the porn disabled."

"All our porn is just regular porn, you creep!"

I was in a Chinese restaurant and called the waiter over ,I said to the waiter "excuse me this chicken is rubbery " the waiter replied " thank you sir I will give your compliments to the chef "....

Originally posted by FMF
A hotel guest in Taiwan comes down to reception to make a few requests about the room he has just checked in to.

"The mini bar is empty. I'd like it stocked."

"Very good, sir."

"I need help adjusting the air conditioning".

"Of course. We'll send our handyman up."

"Could I arrange it so that no calls are put through to the phone in the room?"

"R ...[text shortened]... ou are."

"And I'd like the porn disabled."

"All our porn is just regular porn, you creep!"

Repeat from page 17. Come now, try again.

Originally posted by Suzianne
Repeat from page 17. Come now, try again.

Nope. This was one was about Taiwan. I have different versions of the joke for different countries and cultures. 😉

Originally posted by FMF
Nope. This was one was about Taiwan. I have different versions of the joke for different countries and cultures. 😉

And the one on Page 3 is about Japan.

Two others here repeated a joke also, but at least you win with two repeats.