Jokes

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Originally posted by moonbus
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

You'd only be semiambidextrous.

Originally posted by HandyAndy
You'd only be semiambidextrous.

I remember when phone cards were all the rage to make a public call .
I got my donor card mixed up with my phone card once ,it cost me an arm and leg .

Originally posted by phil3000
I remember when phone cards were all the rage to make a public call .
I got my donor card mixed up with my phone card once ,it cost me an arm and leg .

God and Adam talked about Adam's being alone in Paradise:

God: So I can make you a wonderful companion: Beautiful, intelligent, sexy, a servant to all your whims.
Adam: what would that cost me?
God: An arm and a leg.
Adam: What can I get for a rib?

Originally posted by Ponderable
God and Adam talked about Adam's being alone in Paradise:

God: So I can make you a wonderful companion: Beautiful, intelligent, sexy, a servant to all your whims.
Adam: what would that cost me?
God: An arm and a leg.
Adam: What can I get for a rib?

What did the pirate say when he got his wooden leg caught in the fridge door ?
" Shiver me timbers "

Originally posted by phil3000
What did the pirate say when he got his wooden leg caught in the fridge door ?
" Shiver me timbers "

A man meets a pirate the first time. The pirate has a hook as hand, a wooden leg and only one eye.
"I lost my leg to a cannon ball, and my hand in a sword fight."

"And the eye?"
"A sea gull s**t into it."
"You lost the eye to sea gull s**t?"
"Well, it was the first day I had the hook..."

Originally posted by Ponderable
A man meets a pirate the first time. The pirate has a hook as hand, a wooden leg and only one eye.
"I lost my leg to a cannon ball, and my hand in a sword fight."

"And the eye?"
"A sea gull s**t into it."
"You lost the eye to sea gull s**t?"
"Well, it was the first day I had the hook..."

I went to my local butchers the other day .
I asked the butcher if he had a sheeps head ?
He said " no ,it's the way I comb my hair "

Pupils were asked about their fathers Profession.
Little Jim said: my father is a janitor at the brothel.
After lesson the teacher apologized to Jim: I didn't know about your father.
Jim: It's okay I lied in fact he is Investment banker, but that was too embarrassing to admit.

Johnny Wheeler has this obsession feeding Marijuana to birds.

That's right folks, he is determined to have no Tern unstoned.

I'm going to stand outside.
If anybody asks, I'm outstanding...

Originally posted by pawnpaw
I'm going to stand outside.
If anybody asks, I'm outstanding...

In the rain.

However, I did know a magnet scientist who was outstanding in his field.

Originally posted by sonhouse
In the rain.

However, I did know a magnet scientist who was outstanding in his field.

I knew a farmer who was similar.

Originally posted by C J Horse
I knew a farmer who was similar.

Quote from Rodney Marsh (ex English football player )
" the boss said he will pull me off at half time "
I replied " no thanks boss ,just an orange will do "

Originally posted by sonhouse
In the rain.

However, I did know a magnet scientist who was outstanding in his field.

Not the same...