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Culture Forum

Culture Forum

  1. Standard member Surtism
    21 Jan '12 15:33
    ..... I am a budding writer and my first article was about RHP and I got some good feedback which I've tried to take on board to improve my written work.

    I am moving into Fiction and have started on my first short story and the first part can be found at :

    It may be that a copy and paste of the link is needed, it doesn't seem to go blue on its own.

    The first three parts are prepared and I will be posting the fourth next week. Please remember I'm an accountant by trade, so any constructive feedback would be appreciated.

    Many thanks
  2. Standard member wolfgang59
    21 Jan '12 20:57
    It reads like non-fiction and as such is pretty bland. If its your intention for it to sound authentic then you need to consider the science more. For instance how did they survive the impact and how did they roam the world when Africa (I think) was an island cut off from Europe and Asia?

    The grammar is flakey, there are spelling mistakes and the use of Unicorn/unicorn inconsistant.

    As a first draft its OK but not good enough for publication.
  3. 22 Jan '12 04:19
    Every day i go to the toilet and look at the tiles on the floor and each day i see something new. The tiles are all the same but yet somehow in my contemplation of life on the toilet i manage to see new symbols, faces and other bizarre images in my bathroom floor tiles.

    Today i saw a face i'd never seen before, it looked like a cartoon drawing from a comic i used to buy as a child. The body was a mystery, was his arms folded or was that a gun he was carrying?

    After much thought was put into this new creature of the tiles i came to the conclusion that his name was Isaac and that was indeed a gun he was carrying. Isaac had been sent by the king of the castle at the top of the tiles to kill Zoran the mysterious dark 5 legged creature that roams the tiles at night in search for new pray.

    I won't know for sure until tomorrow what happened but next time you go to the toilet, have a look at the tiles and wonder... what do they get up to at night.
  4. 22 Jan '12 08:24 / 1 edit
    Originally posted by wolfgang59
    It reads like non-fiction.
    I have to agree with this but non-fiction however boring the subject shouldn't be bland if thought is put into the writing style. I did think this piece was rather bland though, just doesn't capture the imagination. To be honest it reads a bit like a Wiki entry. Was that part 1 as in the rest hasn't been written yet or part 1 just haven't uploaded the rest yet?

    Edit: keep posting what you write.
  5. Standard member Surtism
    22 Jan '12 14:47
    Thanks for the comments, the next two parts can be found at:


    I'm putting it on system as and when the first drafts are prepared, but will update it all once I get to the end of it.
  6. Standard member Surtism
    25 Jan '12 13:31
    Part four can be found at:
  7. 14 Mar '12 17:20
    eat some baby food, baby.