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  1. Standard member Quarl
    Quarl
    17 Jan '15 17:42
    Humans originally existed as small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They survived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast to eat fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were invention of beer and the wheel.

    Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

    These were the two foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
    1. Liberals.
    2. Conservatives.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

    Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

    While some modern Liberals prefer lite beer (with lime added) most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French sauces are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

    Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are Liberals. Liberals meddled in baseball and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.

    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately with others.

    And there you have it. As for me, I'm going to have another beer.
  2. 17 Jan '15 18:07
    Originally posted by Quarl
    Humans originally existed as small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They survived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast to eat fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were invention of beer and the wheel.

    Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the ...[text shortened]... mediately with others.

    And there you have it. As for me, I'm going to have another beer.
    "Some of these liberal men evolved..."

    As opposed to the conservatives.
  3. Standard member Quarl
    Quarl
    17 Jan '15 18:38
    Originally posted by JS357
    "Some of these liberal men evolved..."

    As opposed to the conservatives.
    LOL! You placed quotes around the bit you posted. However the bit wasn't a quote at all, as you clipped off the last half of the sentence.

    Your post was great, except for the quotation marks.

    The sentence you used, if actually quoted read: "Some of these liberal men evolved into women."
  4. 17 Jan '15 18:52
    Originally posted by Quarl
    Humans originally existed as small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They survived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast to eat fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were invention of beer and the wheel.

    Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the ...[text shortened]... mediately with others.

    And there you have it. As for me, I'm going to have another beer.
    " I'm going to have another beer"


    would that be another weak as piss, american beer?
  5. Subscriber no1marauder
    It's Nice to Be Nice
    17 Jan '15 18:55
    Originally posted by Quarl
    LOL! You placed quotes around the bit you posted. However the bit wasn't a quote at all, as you clipped off the last half of the sentence.

    Your post was great, except for the quotation marks.

    The sentence you used, if actually quoted read: "Some of these liberal men evolved into women."
    Conservatives don't believe in evolution.
  6. Standard member DeepThought
    Losing the Thread
    17 Jan '15 18:56
    Originally posted by Quarl
    Humans originally existed as small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They survived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast to eat fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were invention of beer and the wheel.

    Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the ...[text shortened]... mediately with others.

    And there you have it. As for me, I'm going to have another beer.
    Most amusing. Your post does raise one question in my mind. If women evolved out of liberal men what were the conservatives doing for sex before some of the liberals turned into women?
  7. 17 Jan '15 19:47 / 1 edit
    Originally posted by DeepThought to Quarl
    Most amusing. Your post does raise one question in my mind. If women evolved out of liberal men what were the conservatives doing for sex before some of the liberals turned into women?
    "...what were the conservatives (men) doing for sex before some of the
    liberals (men) turned into women?"
    --Deep Thought

    Conservative men presumably had to keep all that in the closet.
  8. Standard member wolfgang59
    Infidel
    18 Jan '15 00:22
    Originally posted by DeepThought
    Most amusing. Your post does raise one question in my mind. If women evolved out of liberal men what were the conservatives doing for sex before some of the liberals turned into women?
    And most conservatives are still trying to f*** the rest of us.
  9. 18 Jan '15 00:34
    Originally posted by Quarl
    LOL! You placed quotes around the bit you posted. However the bit wasn't a quote at all, as you clipped off the last half of the sentence.

    Your post was great, except for the quotation marks.

    The sentence you used, if actually quoted read: "Some of these liberal men evolved into women."
    As opposed to the conservatives.
  10. Standard member redbadger
    Suzzie says Badger
    18 Jan '15 16:48
    Originally posted by Quarl
    Humans originally existed as small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They survived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast to eat fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were invention of beer and the wheel.

    Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the ...[text shortened]... mediately with others.

    And there you have it. As for me, I'm going to have another beer.
    with a shot of lime ya pooftah
  11. Subscriber AThousandYoung
    It's only business
    19 Jan '15 03:10 / 1 edit
    Its about as solid as the theories coming from Scientology, Mormonism or Bob Jones University
  12. 19 Jan '15 03:30
    Originally posted by no1marauder
    Conservatives don't believe in evolution.
    Is that kinda like all blacks like fried chicken?

    Bigot.