10. They're still rockin' mullets.
9. They sing songs that say, "We're gonna kick your ass, it's the American way..."
8. They iron their jeans.
7. "Hook 'em Horns!" (Don't even bring up the Fiesta Bowl; you're not the national champion.)
6. Line dancing.
5. "Don't mess with Texas". Really? Seriously?
4. I'll just get this out of the way...Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush....ad infinitum.
3. The Dallas Cowboys. The hole in the roof. The self-proclamation of "America's Team". Jerry Jones. Barry Switzer winning a Super Bowl. (Take a look at Switzer on the podium. He's screaming "We did it! We did it! We did it!" right at Jerry Jones. Jerry Jones won't even look at him.) On the other hand, you did give Philadelphians the nearly obscene pleasure of taking Terrell Owens on to your team one short year after he blew up the Philadelphia Eagles, then providing the best possible theater by having him completely blow your city up.
2. The ridiculousness of Karl Rove.
1. Beauty pageants for six-year-olds.
Okay that's about thirty reasons.