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What do you think of this?

What do you think of this?

General

C J Horse
A stable personality

Near my hay.

Joined
27 Apr 06
Moves
65537
Clock
31 Mar 20

It's a short poem and I wondered what people might think in terms of its quality and emotional appeal. I have a reason for asking. I should stress that I AM NOT the author.

Waiting! Waiting!
Waiting for a letter
Waiting every day.

Will a letter ever come
Telling me good news?
Will a letter ever come
Telling me any news?

A knock on the door
A knock on the door
A letter has come
A letter has come.

Bad news! Bad news!
He's dead! He's dead!
Oh what can I do
Now he's dead?

Ghost of a Duke

Joined
14 Mar 15
Moves
29124
Clock
31 Mar 20

@C-J-Horse

Not great to be honest old chap.

rookie54
free tazer tickles..

wildly content...

Joined
09 Mar 08
Moves
204434
Clock
31 Mar 20

@C-J-Horse
i like it
it lacks resolution that might be helpful

Very Rusty
Treat Everyone Equal

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Joined
04 Oct 06
Moves
631157
Clock
31 Mar 20

@c-j-horse said
It's a short poem and I wondered what people might think in terms of its quality and emotional appeal. I have a reason for asking. I should stress that I AM NOT the author.

Waiting! Waiting!
Waiting for a letter
Waiting every day.

Will a letter ever come
Telling me good news?
Will a letter ever come
Telling me any news?

A knock on the door
A knock on the door ...[text shortened]...
A letter has come.

Bad news! Bad news!
He's dead! He's dead!
Oh what can I do
Now he's dead?
A gallant effort! 🙂

A big thumbs up for you too!

-VR

Ghost of a Duke

Joined
14 Mar 15
Moves
29124
Clock
31 Mar 20

@C-J-Horse

I rewrote it old chap. (Hope you don't mind? )


She waits for a letter,
like the burning of a fuse,
its content may destroy her
but she's desperate for news.

'He's dead he's dead!'
the letter cries,
what can she do,
but wipe her eyes?

Very Rusty
Treat Everyone Equal

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Joined
04 Oct 06
Moves
631157
Clock
31 Mar 20
1 edit

@ghost-of-a-duke said
@C-J-Horse

I rewrote it old chap. (Hope you don't mind? )


She waits for a letter,
like the burning of a fuse,
its content may destroy her
but she's desperate for news.

'He's dead he's dead!'
the letter cries,
what can she do,
but wipe her eyes?
No his was better!

Stop trying to put words in his mouth! 😉

-VR

rookie54
free tazer tickles..

wildly content...

Joined
09 Mar 08
Moves
204434
Clock
31 Mar 20

Where have all the flowers gone
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone
Long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone
Young girls pick them, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn
Where have all the young girls gone
Long time passing
Where have all the young girls gone
Long time ago
Where have all the young girls gone
Gone for husbands, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn
Where have all the husbands gone
Long time passing
Where have all the husbands gone
Long time ago
Where have all the husbands gone
Gone for soldiers, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn
Where have all the soldiers gone
Long time passing
Where have all the soldiers gone
Long time ago
Where have all the soldiers gone
Gone to graveyards, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn
Where have all the graveyards gone
Long time passing
Where have all the graveyards gone
Long time ago
Where have all the graveyards gone
Gone to flowers, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn
Where have all the flowers gone
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone
Long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone
Young girls have picked them, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn.

Pete Seegar

Very Rusty
Treat Everyone Equal

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Joined
04 Oct 06
Moves
631157
Clock
31 Mar 20
1 edit

@rookie54 said
Where have all the flowers gone
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone
Long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone
Young girls pick them, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn
Where have all the young girls gone
Long time passing
Where have all the young girls gone
Long time ago
Where have all the young girls gone
Gon ...[text shortened]... picked them, every one
Oh, when will they ever learn
Oh, when will they ever learn.

Pete Seegar
One of Pete Seeger's songs?

-VR

rookie54
free tazer tickles..

wildly content...

Joined
09 Mar 08
Moves
204434
Clock
31 Mar 20

@very-rusty said
One of Pete Seeger's songs?

-VR
yer mind is an amazing gravity well
nothing escapes you, eh?

Very Rusty
Treat Everyone Equal

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Joined
04 Oct 06
Moves
631157
Clock
31 Mar 20

@rookie54 said
yer mind is an amazing gravity well
nothing escapes you, eh?
Are you pretending to be Canadian with the Eh?

Or your way of throwing an insult! 😛 😉

-VR

C J Horse
A stable personality

Near my hay.

Joined
27 Apr 06
Moves
65537
Clock
31 Mar 20

@ghost-of-a-duke said
@C-J-Horse

I rewrote it old chap. (Hope you don't mind? )


She waits for a letter,
like the burning of a fuse,
its content may destroy her
but she's desperate for news.

'He's dead he's dead!'
the letter cries,
what can she do,
but wipe her eyes?
Not great to be honest old chap. Doggerel, really.

I'll say again. I didn't write it.

s
Fast and Curious

slatington, pa, usa

Joined
28 Dec 04
Moves
53321
Clock
31 Mar 20

@rookie54
Actually Pete Seeger. I played on stage with and met him at a bar one time where he played my Martin 12 string guitar and taught me his tune Living in the country.

Ghost of a Duke

Joined
14 Mar 15
Moves
29124
Clock
31 Mar 20
1 edit

@c-j-horse said
Not great to be honest old chap. Doggerel, really.

I'll say again. I didn't write it.
I know sir, that's why I gave honest feedback.

(Prolific repetition in a poem rarely works).

Torunn

Gothenburg

Joined
11 Mar 16
Moves
28059
Clock
31 Mar 20
2 edits

@Ghost-of-a-Duke

All I can say it - 'No news is good news' (as it was about news).

Good contributions.

Very Rusty
Treat Everyone Equal

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Joined
04 Oct 06
Moves
631157
Clock
31 Mar 20

@sonhouse said
@rookie54
Actually Pete Seeger. I played on stage with and met him at a bar one time where he played my Martin 12 string guitar and taught me his tune Living in the country.
That must have been a thrill for you!

-VR

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