Jokes

I saw a guy pick pocket a dwarf yesterday.
I went up to him and said I don't know how
you can stoop so low.

Originally posted by Captain Strange
I saw a guy pick pocket a dwarf yesterday.
I went up to him and said I don't know how
you can stoop so low.

My mate put a dart board up on his bedroom ceiling .
His wife was none too happy .
It made her throw up !

The economist said let's assume this is funny.

An economist and a statistisian went deer hunting. The economist shot, missed ten feet on the left.
Statistition shot, missed ten feet on the right.

GOT HIM, he said.

The average economist assumes that he's better than half his colleagues and not as good as the other half, yet doesn't quite understand that he actually means it.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist are interviewing for a job.

At the end of the mathematician's interview, the interviewer asks "And last, what is 2 + 2?"
"4," the mathematician answers.

At the end of the accountant's interview, the interviewer asks "And last, what is 2 + 2?"
"4, give or take 5% for error," the accountant replies.

At the end of the economist's interview, the interviewer asks "And last, what is 2 + 2?"
The economist peers around the room, goes to the window and shuts the blinds, goes to the door and locks it. He dims the lights, sidles up close to the interviewer and whispers, "What do you need it to equal?"

What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.

Originally posted by whodey
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist are interviewing for a job.

At the end of the mathematician's interview, the interviewer asks "And last, what is 2 + 2?"
"4," the mathematician answers.

At the end of the accountant's interview, the interviewer asks "And last, what is 2 + 2?"
"4, give or take 5% for error," the accountant replies.

...[text shortened]... ims the lights, sidles up close to the interviewer and whispers, "What do you need it to equal?"

Think you got your economist and accountant mixed up there.

Originally posted by The Gravedigger
Think you got your economist and accountant mixed up there.

There was once a time in the UK when you had to buy a phone card to use a public phone ,before mobiles came about .
I got my donor card mixed up with my phone card once ,it cost me an arm and a leg .

Originally posted by phil3000
There was once a time in the UK when you had to buy a phone card to use a public phone ,before mobiles came about .
I got my donor card mixed up with my phone card once ,it cost me an arm and a leg .

Deja vu or have I seen that one before?

Originally posted by wolfgang59
Deja vu or have I seen that one before?

I think you have ,I am running out of material .
😉

Think I need to change my doctor.
I went for a medical recently.
When the doctor was feeling my testicles he said don't
worry its perfectly normal to get an erection.
I said I haven't got an erection.
He said no but I have.

Originally posted by Captain Strange
Think I need to change my doctor.
I went for a medical recently.
When the doctor was feeling my testicles he said don't
worry its perfectly normal to get an erection.
I said I haven't got an erection.
He said no but I have.

I went to see my Doctor .
I said " Doctor ,I keep thinking I am a snooker ball "
He told me to get out and get to the end of the cue .

Originally posted by Captain Strange
Think I need to change my doctor.
I went for a medical recently.
When the doctor was feeling my testicles he said don't
worry its perfectly normal to get an erection.
I said I haven't got an erection.
He said no but I have.

I went to see my Doctor with a back passage problem .
He told me to put my hands on his desk while he put his finger up my backside .
I did get a bit suspicious when I felt the pain and realised both of his hands were on my shoulders .

Two Irishmen leave a bar.

HEY, It could happen.....