Jokes

Originally posted by John Osmar
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.

Originally posted by wolfgang59
A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.

...so the barmaid gave him one!

A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"

God said yes.

The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"

God said yes.

The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?"

God said, "Sure, just a second."

Originally posted by John Osmar
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

A priest, a Rabbi and a minister walked into a bar. The atheist ducked.

A white horse trots into a bar and orders a beer.
"We have a whisky named after you" says the barman attempting conversation.

"What? Eric?" says the horse.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Horse_(whisky)

Another horse joke:

A man goes along a street, where a caoch with a horse was parked. The horse says: "hey, I was the winner of the Derby five years ago."
The passant is speechless. He spots the driver coming from the house and syas: "hey, your horse spoke to me!"
"Did he tell you, that he won the Derby?"
"Yes"
"It's not true, he was diqualified..."

Sad tale of the man who spent his live coloring cloth. Yes folks, he dyed with his boots on.....,

(Sonhouse original🙂

Originally posted by sonhouse
Sad tale of the man who spent his live coloring cloth. Yes folks, he dyed with his boots on.....,

(Sonhouse original🙂

Ha ha ha
I like it!

I said to the missus last night " right love ,get your coat on "....She said with a smile " where are we going "?.... I Replied " I am off to the pub , your staying in and I am turning the heating off ".....

The past present and future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

Originally posted by The Gravedigger
The past present and future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

Perfect! 😀

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?"
His response is, "My mother can."
The teacher replies in disbelief, "Really?"
The young boy iss quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."

a priest a rabbi and a shaman walk into a bar. what are the odds asks a mathematician?

An infrared photon walks into a bar and asks: "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

Blair ,Bush and Mitterand go to a speech held by a recently released Nelson Mandella .
While all three respective leaders are sat in the front row Mandella points to them and says
"Three dick heads ,yes three dick heads " ...Tony Blair looks at George Bush while opening his collar and mopping his brow ..."George ,what shall we do ? Mandella's making a fool out of us ,it's getting beamed all around the world !".. Bush reply's .."Gee Blair I am lost for words ,should I call my security guards ?"
Yet again Mandella looks at the three and say's .." Yes, three dick heads "..
Mitterand leans over and say's " we will have to take it on ze chin ,Mandella is to respected we can't walk out or call ze security staff "
Then mandella points to the three and say's " Yes, for three dickheads I was locked in that prison "..!