Jokes

What do you call "Humpty Dumpty's " parents ?
Sam and Ella

I bought my wife a pug dog .
Despite the flat face ,protruding chin ,bulging eyes and slaver I think the dog will grow to love her .

Originally posted by phil3000
I bought my wife a pug dog .
Despite the flat face ,protruding chin ,bulging eyes and slaver I think the dog will grow to love her .

I see the resemblance.

Originally posted by BongalloJoe
Beer is my enemy.
God says to love your enemies.
Case closed.

Husband: I love you so much - I don't know what I would do without you!
Wife: Is that you or the beer talking?
Husband: It's me talking to the beer!

A salmon walks into a vegetarian restaurant and the waiter says, “Sorry, we don’t serve fish.”

Man walks into his butchers shop and says " I would like a steak and kidley pie please "
The butcher replied " do you mean a steak and kidney pie ? sir "
The man replied " that's what I said ,diddle eye ? "

If a butcher is 6 feet tall, wears size 9 shoes, and a waist size of 38, what does he weigh?








Meat.

Originally posted by BongalloJoe
Beer is my enemy.
God says to love your enemies.
Case closed.

If you don't want to drink just stop drinking.

me: better check my phone for texts from friends
me: *checks phone*
me: better get some friends

Originally posted by Executioner Brand
If you don't want to drink just stop drinking.

EB,

Sometimes that is much easier said than done!!

-VR

Originally posted by Very Rusty
EB,

Sometimes that is much easier said than done!!

-VR

I was pretty much forced to after a head injury in 2001, but you are correct.

Originally posted by Executioner Brand
I was pretty much forced to after a head injury in 2001, but you are correct.

EB,

I have always been of the opinion that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps the head injury was not such a bad thing after all?

-VR

Originally posted by Very Rusty
EB,

I have always been of the opinion that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps the head injury was not such a bad thing after all?

-VR

If you read the psychiatrist's report on me you'd think it was a blessing. But you would be living a delusion.

It also makes for a lonely life because of what that entails.

It's not the drinking it's the noise or at a 'festive' occasion with lots of people.

What can a Bricklayer do that a hairdresser cannot ?
Pee on his own work .

Originally posted by Executioner Brand
If you read the psychiatrist's report on me you'd think it was a blessing. But you would be living a delusion.

EB,

I never have had a lot of faith in physiatrists or psychologists !!!

What medications do they have you on, if that is not getting too personal?

-VR