"In these great trials harden your spirits, collect all your forces, and when you have defended the country, liberate it." (Alexander Kerensky, 1917)
Once accidentally played an open game in 1992. A one minute silence is held every August 2nd in the village green in the pouring rain before a statue of George Lansbury to commemorate this loss. Since this evil time all moves are made in consultation with the Amenities (Swimming Pool and Dog Faeces Recycling) and Footpaths Sub-Committee of Doledrum-upon-Sea, a body entirely constituted by septuagenarian councillors who know absolutely nothing about chess, and who as revisionist Christian Socialists believe that the taking of chess pieces is against Mosaic Law. As a result of this, my pieces will selflessly present themselves for martyrdom and enter into Elysium en prise, hanging and without visible apostolic support. Victorious opponents will be automatically allocated a proforma forgiveness email via Hotmail. Accidentally defeated opponents will be sent a handwritten note in green ink and heavy underlining urgently requesting them to twin their town with Doledrum-upon-Sea.