Can anyone help me with this chess poem

this sucks ass!

It doesn't scan very well

how about

There was an old fellow named Bow,
Who lived in the valley below
He liked to cross dress
When playing at chess
And took ages over each go

last two lines are a bit poor, but I think we're moving in the right direction

Originally posted by Siskin
It doesn't scan very well

how about

There was an old fellow named Bow,
Who lived in the valley below
He liked to cross dress
When playing at chess
And took ages over each go

last two lines are a bit poor, but I think we're moving in the right direction

good, but the 'just' has got to go to make it scan

Originally posted by kellsy
This is the poem without the "just"

There was an old fellow named Bow,
who lived in the valley below
he liked to cross dress
when playing at chess
and castled "queen side" for show.

I think it's a nice poem.

There was an old fellow named Bow
found lacking somewhat down below
discarding his dress
he would cause distress
coup-led with the shrill cry of "NO!"