An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian"?
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen."
A Person Comes into a gift shop and asks for advice about a birthday present for the father.
- what Age?
- 64
- Take a chessboard, it has just that number of squares.
If you're going for an interview, and feeling brave, make sure the first words that leave your mouth are 'fat penguin.'
The interviewer will of course look dumbfounded, at which point smile and say 'just an ice breaker.' (If he laughs the job is in the bag, if he doesn't get it you'll have an uphill struggle).
Originally posted by Ghost of a Duke If you're going for an interview, and feeling brave, make sure the first words that leave your mouth are 'fat penguin.'
The interviewer will of course look dumbfounded, at which point smile and say 'just an ice breaker.' (If he laughs the job is in the bag, if he doesn't get it you'll have an uphill struggle).
That is actually worth trying! Nothing like a boss with a sense of humor 🙂
Originally posted by Great Big Stees And no one likes one who doesn't.
A guerrilla and a lion lived in a zoo side by side in separate cages ,they hated each other .
One day the zoo keeper forgot to close the cage doors , seeing the guerrillas back side sticking out while he was doing his stretches the lion pounced ,he ran into the guerrillas cage and gave him a right old rodgering up the back side . Knowing the guerrilla would be un happy at this act the lion did a runner closely followed by an irate guerrilla . The lion sped around a corner and on seeing a chap sat down reading his newspaper quickly pushed him off the bench ,grabbed his newspaper and hid behind it pretending to read it ,seconds later the guerrilla sped around the corner and ran past the lion reading the paper ,suddenly he stopped and went to the figure reading the paper ... " excuse me " said the guerrilla " you haven't seen a lion running past by any chance "...the lion replied .." what ,running away from a guerrilla he just rodgered up the backside in the zoo ? "
"Bloody hell "said the guerrilla.... " I didn't think it would of made the papers that fast "...😵
Originally posted by moonbus An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked ove ...[text shortened]... rd bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen."
Originally posted by moonbus An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked ove ...[text shortened]... rd bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen."
I had quite a few atheists and Christians in the office laugh together at this joke.
Very good!
25 Nov '15 20:13
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