Sometimes you just have to laugh at it all -
Q: Why are lawyers forbidden to have sex with their clients?
A; So the clients don't get billed twice for the same service.
There were 2 dead bodies in the road, a big rat and a small lawyer,
so, how can you tell them apart?
A: There were skid marks in front of the rat where the driver tried
to stop!
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
A: The hooker will stop screwing you when you die.
Q: What's the definition of 50 dead lawyers at the bottom of a lake?
A: A good start.
Q: Why are scientists now using lawyers for lab experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't run afoul of animal rights groups, and there are some things that even rats won't do!
From "Better Call Saul":
“What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer? The vacuum cleaner’s dirtbag is on the inside.”
“What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.”
“Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down they’re very good people.”
“What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 60? Your honor.”
“What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer? The tick falls off when you’re dead.”
“How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to go up a ladder, one to shake it and one to sue the ladder company.”
“What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in three million have a chance of becoming a human being.”