THE FINAL EXAM
INSTRUCTIONS
Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions.
Time limit--four hours. Begin immediately.
HISTORY
Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to
the present day, concentrate specially but not exclu-
sively, on the social, political, economic, religious,
and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and
Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
LITERATURE
Compose an epic poem based on the events of your own life
in which you see and footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot,
Keats, Chaucer, Dante, Norse mythology and the Marx Bro-
thers. Critique your poem with a full discussion of its
metrics.
MUSIC
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it
with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your
seat.
LOGIC
Using accepted methodology prove the following: That
the universe is infinite; that truth is beauty; that
there is not a little person who turns off the light
in the refrigerator when you close the door, and that
you are the person taking this exam. Now disprove all
of the above. Be specific; show all work.
PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any other
kind of thought.
MEDICINE
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your own appendix.
Do not suture until your work has been inspected. Your
have fifteen minutes.
BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent hu-
man culture if this form of life had developed five hun-
dred years earlier, with special attention to the pro-
bable effects on the English Parliamentary system. Prove
your thesis.
PSYCHOLOGY
Employing principles from the major schools of psycho-
analytical thought, successfully subject yourself to
analysis. Make appropriate personality changes, bill
yourself and fill out all medical insurance forms. Now
do the same to the person seated to your immediate left.
SOCIOLOGY
Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany
the end of the world. Show how boy meets girl theory
developed. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
ECONOMICS
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national
debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the
following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the
wave theory of light. Outline a method from all points
of view. Point out deficiencies in your point of view
as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
COMPUTER SCIENCE
Define a computer. Define Science. How do they relate?
Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all com-
puter decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 ter-
minals, each terminal to activate your algorithm, design
the communications interface and all the necessary con-
trol programs.
PUBLIC-SPEAKING
2,500 riot crazed students are storming the classroom.
Calm them. You may use any ancient language except
Latin or Greek.
PHYSICS
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an
evaluation of the impact of the development of mathe-
matics on science.
AGRICULTURAL SCIENCE
Outline the steps involved in breeding your own super
high yield, all weather hybrid strain of wheat. Describe
its chemical and physical properties and estimate its im-
pact on world food supplies. Construct a model for dea
dealing with worldwide surpluses. Write your Nobel Prize
acceptance speech.
COMPREHENSION
Three minute time test. Read everything before doing any-
thing. Put your name in the upper right hand corner of
this page. Circle the word name in sentence three. Sign
your name under the title of this paper, after the title
write "yes, yes, yes,." Put an X in the lower left hand
corner of this paper. Draw a triangle around the X you
just put down. On the back of this paper multiply
703x668. Loudly call out your name when you get to this
point. If you think you have followed directions care-
fully to this point call out "I have." Punch three small
holes in the top of this paper. If you are the first per-o
son to get this far, call out "I am the first person to
this point, I am leading in following directions." On
the reverse side of this paper add 8950 and 9850. Put a
circle around your answer and put a square around the
circle. Now that you have finished reading carefully,
do only sentence two.
POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk behind you. Start
World War III. Report at length on its socio-political
effects, if any.
EXTRA CREDIT
Give today's date--in metric.
MORE FINAL EXAMS
(by Eric S. Moore)
CHEMISTRY
Beginning with Schrodinger's equation, derive all
physical and chemical properties of water. Discuss
why it is the "universal solvent" and its role in
all physico-biological processes. You may not ap-
proximate in your derivations.
GEOGRAPHY
On the unmarked world map on the next page, correctly
sketch in and label all the world's rivers that an-
nually discharge over 4.3x10^10 metric tons of silt.
PHARMACEUTICAL SCIENCE
Compare and contrast the chemistry and side-effects of
every leading brand of analgesic with those of Kings
Soopers brand aspirin. Give all relevant data and
graphs.
ENGLISH
Trace back to proto-Indo-European the etymologies of
every English word containing "sk". Give all pos-
sible cognates in German, Spanish, Czech, Illyrian,
and Sanskrit.
SPANISH
Translate Homer's _Odyssey_, Plato's _Republic_, and
Robert Irwin's _The_World_According_to_Garp_ into Old
Spanish. Discuss in full all ambiguities that arise
from the cultural barriers in humor and idioms between
the two languages.
LATIN
Translate the works of Shakespeare into Ig-pa Atin-la
and provide a comprehensive pronunciation guide. You
are required to preserve all rhyming schemes and met-
rical devices.
GEOLOGY
Describe the complete 4.5 billion-year geological his-
tory of North America. Be sure to include effects due
to volcanism, erosion, meteoritic impacts, strip-mining,
and prairie dogs.
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
Design a gamma ray relay system for intercontinental
communications. Discuss all possible design and imple-
mentation problems and a systematic method for testing
the system.
MATHEMATICS
Restricted to just one sheet of paper, a pencil, and
basic arithmetic, you are to calculate the values of
the first twenty Mersenne primes containing the digits
in David Lee Roth's telephone number. Show all work.
MOLECULAR BIOLOGY
Using the molecular model kit underneath your desk,
construct a complete model of a human epithelial cell.
Demonstrate all cellular processes with your model,
including anaerobic glycolysis, protein production,
and meitosis. You may not collaborate with your neigh-
bors.
GENETIC ENGINEERING
Using all accepted methods of genetic engineering, out-
line the procedure for developing a hybridoma that will
produce peanut butter. Do it. Note: You will flunk if
you should happen to develop an incurable disease.
ANOTHER EXTRA CREDIT (Contributed by Jan Butler)
Define the Universe. Give three examples.
HISTORY
a lot of Bulls
LITERATURE
...I be..so I see 2,3
MUSIC
Did you like it?
LOGIC
universe:infinite::truth:beauty,,,,, who said there isnt a little person who turns off the light in the refrigerator when you close the door???
I'm the only one dumb enuff to do this exam, proof enuff? and the obvsere to em all. im always wrong..
PHILOSOPHY
humans developed the idea of beer and thats all they think about.
MEDICINE
ouch!!!!!! done. hey man good scotch.
BIOLOGY
That presupposes I'd create a life that would evolve into the English, Im not sure if the universe could take two alternate English.
PSYCHOLOGY
part 1 done ,,no changes or charge
part2 intractable mental problems found in the person sitting next to me ......adjusts SVW's straightjacket .. bill for $300,000,23 in the mail
SOCIOLOGY
wont be any socialogical problems at the end of the world....maybe to you thats a theory, but to me boy meet girl is a reality...heads for the singles bar ,,,
thats as good a reason to exit this post as any
Originally posted by frogstompI just finished listening to your Music.
HISTORY
a lot of Bulls
LITERATURE
...I be..so I see 2,3
MUSIC
Did you like it?
LOGIC
universe:infinite::truth:beauty,,,,, who said there isnt a little person who turns off the light in the refrigerator when you close the doo ...[text shortened]... s bar ,,,
thats as good a reason to exit this post as any
That was a fine variation on the D. I especially liked the repeat of measure 4 in metered repeats and growing complexity that you expressed in the second movement.
The stylistic "ascendence" used in each quatrane in movements one and two opposed to the sudden descending tome in movement three was brilliant! Wonderful!
Originally posted by georginaI am too old to study. Being 57 in a few weeks makes me an old fogie, I think.
btw what is it that you people study=)
I'm kind of interested
I don't study. I read a lot but I never went to university so I lack intellectual capital. Which means that my study is just reading. I have nothing to contribute without the capital.
I like to read science fiction. I like to read science. I subscribe to "Nature" and "Astronomy".
How about you? What do you study and why?
Originally posted by StarValleyWylol
I just finished listening to your Music.
That was a fine variation on the D. I especially liked the repeat of measure 4 in metered repeats and growing complexity that you expressed in the second movement.
The stylistic "ascendence" used in each quatrane in movements one and two opposed to the sudden descending tome in movement three was brilliant! Wonderful!
philosophy, 1st bachelor with a minor law
why I study philosophy: philos-sophia=> I like to know thinks, I love wisdom, it's the most interesting science of all sciences, according to me.
You learn about chemistry, maths, religion, sociology, physics, ...
You'll know some latin and greek, ....
We get logic too, that's very usefull
for the lawpart=> it was out of ambition... Not very wise, I know that, it's not the most interesting matter, but I think it's good to know your rights.
(cf kafka: Der Prozeß😉
It's hard though
=)
Originally posted by georginaSVW grins trying to envision kafka explaining his seating in second year law. Becoming depressed and resigned to the inevitability of it all.
philosophy, 1st bachelor with a minor law
why I study philosophy: philos-sophia=> I like to know thinks, I love wisdom, it's the most interesting science of all sciences, according to me.
You learn about chemistry, maths, religion, so ...[text shortened]... your rights.
(cf kafka: Der Prozeß😉
It's hard though
=)
My daughter (in law) is in Law school at the University Of Utah. As a redneck I have always hated lawyers. But... I just finished reading "My Government Versus Me" by Wen Ho Lee. Lawyers can be a very good force for light and right. If they avoid the sin of greed.
I think you need to converse with bbarr here on RPH. He is a philosopher of merit. And a good person. I hear through the vine that he is quitting the site. I hope it isn't for good or completely. We need him and his reason.
Anyway, Welcome. Look forward to your additions to the conversation.
Mike