Took a day off to mow the yard and catch up on some honey dos. I decided to make dinner for my wife... nothing to eat in the fridge so I headed to the local grocery store.
Upon entering the store I immediately plotted a course for the wine and gormet nick nack isle. I must admit that I was fairly careless with my cart and this prompted a middle aged, well off looking woman to berate me and my wobbly wheeled cart. I believe she was also taken aback by my manly smell... I was still very sweaty and pongy from my garden chores. She finally managed to wheel her collection of grocery goods past me to inspect the smoked salmon.
As I continued to ponder the wine selection a seemingly impossibly old woman and an enormously fat, dirty looking man dressed all in red came into the isle. Both of them were riding electric carts with the fat, somewhat younger man dragging a grocery cart behind him. The cart was tied to his chair with a couple of feet of bungy cord.
As they passed me, the woman, perhaps the mans mother, nagged at him continually about slowing her down and making them late. This in itself was hilarious... The man's fat belly spilled out from under his shirt and enveloped his knees... he had a crazy look in his one open eye and an oxygen tube in each nostril... his beard would have rivaled blackbeard's... he smelt like ripe cheese left too long in the sun and his hair was so greasy that it reflected an almost mirror finish.
Between my sweaty stench and the fat man's pong I decided to grab a couple of bottles of wine and beat feet out of the isles. Unfortunately, I am not the most coordinated guy in the world and I caught the fat mans grocery cart with mine as I swung it around to leave. The fat stinky gentlemen didn't seem to notice as he was committed to catching up with his mother. As I tried to disengage myself, the bungy cord stretched out to the full length of its stretchy goodness. Finally freeing myself the fat mans cart careened forward, struck his electric scooter and deflected off into the wine racks.
The carnage was spectacular with perhaps 30 bottles smashed to the floor and caused a grape juice flood of epic proportions. The fat man, apparently startled by the smashing bottles, lost control of his electric scooter and ran over the heel of the snooty woman that had acosted me moments before. Her scream of pain was abruptly cut off by her falling into the smoked sausage, cheese spreads and salmon display.
Stiffling a laugh I tried to act inconspicous as I made my way to the vegatable section of the store.
The moral of the story is:
Sometimes, you get the bear, and, sometimes, the bear gets you.
Originally posted by Hand of HecateHilarious!
Took a day off to mow the yard and catch up on some honey dos. I decided to make dinner for my wife... nothing to eat in the fridge so I headed to the local grocery store.
Upon entering the store I immediately plotted a course for the wine and gormet nick nack isle. I must admit that I was fairly careless with my cart and this prompted a middle ...[text shortened]... he moral of the story is:
Sometimes, you get the bear, and, sometimes, the bear gets you.
Originally posted by Hand of HecateJust out of curiousity, did your animal instinct take over, meaning that you starting licking the floor to lap up the alcohol? When you say "delayed at work" you mean she was enjoying someone elses dinner, someone that hadn't been through WWIII to get it?
Sadly, she was delayed at work... plus, dinner hasn't turned out as well as I'd hoped... fortunately take out is only a phone call away and at least I still have the wine.