A Dog's New Year Resolutions

I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not eat other animals' poop.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

I will not eat my own vomit.

I will not eat "kitty box crunchies".

I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.

I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.

I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

bambee

😀😀😀😉

Very Funny! XX

Originally posted by bambee
I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not eat other animals' poop.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

I will not eat my own vomit.

I will not eat "kitty box crunchies".

I will not ...[text shortened]...

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

bambee

😀😀😀😉

Even though there was always a bowl of fresh water available on the kitchen floor, the dog would always check the bathroom first to see if the lid was up on the toilet. 😳

I guess my dog is a good dog. He does not do most of the things you mention.

Not much activity today. I wonder how many chess players aren't moving today cause they have a hangover! 😲

Originally posted by arrakis
Not much activity today. I wonder how many chess players aren't moving today cause they have a hangover! 😲

This is hilarious, bambee!

That is really good , bambee , but it sounds like resolutions I wish my dog would make , not the actual ones she would make . Sheila (assie shepard , 2 .5 years old )told me hers :

1- Will finally master flying to get that smart-assed squirrel in the top of the back tree .

2- Will figure out how to make master stop peeing in my big white water bowl .

3- Will learn how to look even more pathetic and neglected to make him give me his entire steak .

4- Will get out and get that SOB cat down the street .

5- After getting the cat , will get gang hammered by every stray of mixed breed in the county (Papers - shmapers .To hell with the AKC , girls just wanna have fun ! )

6- One word - Holes ! Lots and lots of holes ! So what if his back yard already looks like the battlefield at Ver Dunn , you can never have enough holes .

7- No more baths . Will find a place under the bed deeper than any creature has gone before !

8- Lick myself at the worst possible time socially more often .

9- Eat more vomit .

10- Kill the weed eater . Might actually consider doing this when it's off this year .

11- Break masters ankle by placing more toys in his way when he's not looking .

12- Eat more bugs (see number 9).

Originally posted by bambee
I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not eat other animals' poop.

I will not lick my human's fa ...[text shortened]... out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

bambee

😀😀😀😉

Originally posted by Moldy Crow
...
2- Will figure out how to make master stop peeing in my big white water bowl .