A poem... of questionable nature

Twas a sunny day in the middle of Belfast,
In fact a day too foreboding to mask,
Standing in the playpark going for a pee
When to my alarm who should I see

But the vicar of Brumley out for a dander,
Accompanied by a goose of the name Alexander.
All the fancy of huge breast implants
Caught up in a twist of tight underpants.

It was a situation highly embarrassing
To view apprehensively that natural spring!
Indeed a rather precarious state of affairs,
As I fell on my knees to say my last prayers.

There I was with my trousers half-down,
He across the street, the grin of a clown.
So with a flash and a flourish I pulled up my britches
As he fought to suppress his natural itches.

There was terror in my heart as he started my way,
Remembered the sins for which I’d now have to pay,
Realising that it was now time to go,
I cut myself off in the midst of my flow.

And now we await the enslavement of humans,
Brought about by the invasion of moomins
For the end of the poem it is now time,
Alas I am tired, I’ve run out of rhyme.

that was mad heat yo

busta 'nother bro

Another poem


A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
They said had run the light
That caused the six-car pileup
On 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
"And blood was everywhere,"
"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"
For death was in the air.
"A mother, trapped inside her car,"
Was heard above the noise;
Her plaintive plea near split the air:
"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"
She fought to loose her pinned hands;
"She struggled to get free,"
But mangled metal held her fast
In grim captivity.
Her frightened eyes then focused
"On where the back seat once had been,"
But all she saw was broken glass and
Two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
"She did not hear them cry, "
"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "
"Oh, God, don't let them die! "
Then firemen came and cut her loose, "
"But when they searched the back, "
"They found therein no little boys, "
But the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad
"And was travelling alone, "
"But when they turned to question her, "
They discovered she was gone.
Policemen saw her running wild
And screaming above the noise
"In beseeching supplication, "
Please help me find my boys!
They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
"Their jeans are blue to match.""
"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car, "
And they don't have a scratch.
They said their daddy put them there
"And gave them each a cone, "
Then told them both to wait for Mom
To come and take them home.
"I've searched the area high and low, "
But I can't find their dad.
"He must have fled the scene, "
"I guess, and that is very bad."
"The mother hugged the twins and said, "
"While wiping at a tear, "
"He could not flee the scene, you see, "
"For he's been dead a year."
"The cop just looked confused and asked, "
"Now, how can that be true? "
"The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came "
"And left a kiss for you."
He told us not to worry
"And that you would be all right, "
And then he put us in this car with
"The pretty, flashing light. "
"We wanted him to stay with us, "
"Because we miss him so, "
"But Mommy, he just hugged us tight "
And said he had to go.
He said someday we'd understand
"And told us not to fuss, "
"And he said to tell you, Mommy, "
"He's watching over us."
The mother knew without a doubt
"That what they spoke was true, "
"For she recalled their dad's last words, "
" I will watch over you."
The firemen's notes could not explain
"The twisted, mangled car, "
And how the three of them escaped
Without a single scar.
"But on the cop's report was scribed, "
"In print so very fine, "
An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.

EDIT::'(:'(:'(

Wow... that poem was very touching.

Lawl at the Don't do drugs one, though. It actually made sense to me, although maybe it's because I'm completely wasted. Keep up the good work.

Originally posted by rmacken
Another poem


A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
They said had run the light
That caused the six-car pileup
On 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
"And blood was everywhere,"
"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"
For death was in the air.
"A mother, trapped inside her car,"
Was heard above the noise;
Her plaintive plea near split the ...[text shortened]...