I ran into and interesting situation this weekend and would like some input. I went out with some old friends that I had not seen in awhile. We went out to clubs and whatever, the usual. One of my friends has a girlfriend, we'll call her Jane. This woman is the picture of perfection. Everything that I could hope for in another person rests on this woman. Now, obviously, I am not a so low as to try and steal a friends girlfriend, but what if he says I can have her? You see this friend of mine is stuck on another girl that he cannot have (because she's engaged) and he cares nothing for Jane. Also, he does not try to hide his feelings. I asked him what the deal was, him not caring anything about a beautiful, intelligent woman, his responese: Hey buddy, if you want her, you can have her. I took a risky step by telling Jane how I felt, but I don't think I crossed the line. I talked to her yesterday, and she said do you know what my boyfriend told me last night? and asked what. Jane said that her boyfriend told her that she should date me, that I would be good for her! I asked her what she said in return and she said nothing. I guess my question is: where should I go from here? Should I try to pursue a relationship with this woman on the grounds that her boyfriend doesn't give a crap about her and has literally told me to take the ball and run with it? Or, should I honor the code between friends and leave this alone, purely because she is still dating my friend? 😕
I guess there isn't a "roadmap" here, but I'll tell you what I would do in your place.
For the time being, I would decide to be just friends with her the coming weeks. Don't force anything. I assume you do not want to spoil your friendship with your old friend so take things easy. I would wait and see how things developed. As you described things it is highly probable that the relationship between your friend and the girl in question comes to an end sooner or later. After that, well who knows !
You asked about the grounds on which to start or not to start a relationship with her. There are hundreds of reasons people use to start a relationship yes or no, but I guess there is only one good reason and the question that goes with it is : "Do I love her, yes or no" . Of course the other aspects of the situation that you described in your post matter in some way and you have to deal with them in a responsible way, but I would not consider them decisive in this matter.
Well, I guess you're facing an interesting and exciting time.
I wish you good luck and above all wisdom.
Doctor Love.
Originally posted by derek9037I'm sorry, I guess i should have said something about that in the original post. There is obvious connection between us, and I know that she has feelings for me, but her situation, or should I say our situation, is made more difficult, because she is living with her current boyfriend. As you can imagine, this compicates things to some degree and makes her decision even the more difficult. As far as caring for her, that goes without saying.
The question seems to me whether the beautiful girl in question is interested in you. Establish this before going any further, espescially if you care for the lady.
🙂
Originally posted by ivanhoeThank you for your wisdom. It sounds like your advice stems from someone who has had this experience or something similar. I think you are correct about starting a friendship with her first and I think I have layed the groundwork for that already and am excited just to see where that takes me. As for love, that it is a little more difficult to predict. It's hard to "start" a relationship out of love. I have found that love is something you discover through time. But in this case, through our new found friendship, a love for each other might blossom that could make all other parameters irrellevant. Thanks again for the helpful thoughts. 🙂
I guess there isn't a "roadmap" here, but I'll tell you what I would do in your place.
for the time being. I would decide to be just friends with her the coming weeks. Don't force anything. I assume you do not want to spoil your friendship with your old friend so take things easy. I would wait and see how things developed. As you described things i ...[text shortened]... teresting and exciting time.
I wish you good luck and above all wisdom.
Doctor Love.
-H
Originally posted by phishermanThanks. With that information then Ivanhoes advice is as good as it gets. There is no doubt the relationship will eventually end (what kind of man 'offers' his girl to another) and by staying close by as a friend you will not offend.
I'm sorry, I guess i should have said something about that in the original post. There is obvious connection between us, and I know that she has feelings for me, but her situation, or should I say our situation, is made more difficult, because she is living with her current boyfriend. As you can imagine, this compicates things to some degree and makes her decision even the more difficult. As far as caring for her, that goes without saying.
🙂
I sincerely hope it works out.
Originally posted by derek9037What kind of man, indeed. Thanks for the support, dereK!🙂
Thanks. With that information then Ivanhoes advice is as good as it gets. There is no doubt the relationship will eventually end (what kind of man 'offers' his girl to another) and by staying close by as a friend you will not offend.
I sincerely hope it works out.
-H
Originally posted by phisherman
Thank you for your wisdom. It sounds like your advice stems from someone who has had this experience or something similar. I think you are correct about starting a friendship with her first and I think I have layed the groundwork for that already and am excited just to see where that takes me. As for love, that it is a little more difficult to predict ...[text shortened]... that could make all other parameters irrellevant. Thanks again for the helpful thoughts. 🙂
-H
You're on the right track !!
Doctor Love 🙂