I was driving along and listening to the radio on the way home from shopping for various shiny garments at the shopping mall last Thursday and I heard a story that brought tears to my eyes and almost made me crash my car into a group of normal school children who were crossing the road.
This guy on the radio, he was taking calls from various celebrities which I think is very interesting. One of the people who called in was local underwear model Jimmy Johnson. Here's what he said:
I was hosting an idiot competition the other day when we were trying to find the biggest idiot in all the land. Competition was pretty rough, there was this one guy who swears to never missing an episode of "Extreme Makeover". Another young lady confessed to always forgetting to turn off her indicator after changing lanes(!). Oh yes. Over in the corner was a kid who jacked off regularly even though it is not right in the eyes of the Lord!
Our main contender on the list of morons beat all these people. This woman was beyond stupid. She was enigmatically ignorant, dumb-foundedly mindless, and well, pretty damn thick. She spent at least 5 (that's FIVE) minutes a day... FORWARDING CHAIN EMAILS WITH HEARTWARMING STORIES OH-MY-GOD! We all knew that she was going to win the competition, it was pretty obvious, even to the stupidest ignorami there... but then she did something completely unexpected.
She came over to me and whispered in my ear... her breath was really morning breathish. She must have not brushed her teeth. She said that she knew of this guy who was pretty stupid, but he'd never won anything in his whole life because he was socially disabled. You see, this guy, he used to be very nice to people, especially women, on the internet, because he was so desperate for interaction with the opposite sex that he was prepared to burn his soul in eternal damn hellfire for the sake of a little attention from someone without a peepee. He even resorted to saying that they were beautiful, i.e. playing along with one of the oldest weaknesses that we as a species use to oppress and dominate our females, the superficiality of the importance of physical appearance! What a dumbass! He couldn't go up to a woman in the real world and call her beautiful, because he was too scared! Hahahahah!
Ok, so this chain-mail sending moron says to me that she thinks I should give the Big Idiot Award to this guy, so I did and everyone clapped for him for being such an idiot. His mom (who drove him there) was crying that her son finally had recognition.
Please forward this to everyone you know, and if you don't know anyone then you obviously don't spend enough time flattering random people on the internet, you coward.
This story reminded me of the cold hard world we live in these days, where people can be so amazingly stupid and we hardly even ever appreciate them for this. Thank you for reading. God Bless.
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Originally posted by NyxieOh sorry, I forgot! Thanks for reminding me!
It was ok, but it did'nt have puppies kitties, or babies so it does'nt get full credit.
After hearing the heartwarming tale on the radio I starting crying uncontrollably, so I phoned my bestest friend to tell her about how much I was crying. It was difficult to steer with the phone in my hand so I accidently drove over some puppies, kitties, and babies who were hitchiking on the side of the highway. Cuteness.
Originally posted by hopscotchNow I feel a sense of completion.
Oh sorry, I forgot! Thanks for reminding me!
After hearing the heartwarming tale on the radio I starting crying uncontrollably, so I phoned my bestest friend to tell her about how much I was crying. It was difficult to steer with the phone in my hand so I accidently drove over some puppies, kitties, and babies who were hitchiking on the side of the highway. Cuteness.
Well told.