WARNING - Do not read any further if you are planning to see the movie!!!! The following thread contains detail from the movie. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED:
Okay,I finally saw Star Wars. Before I make any comments, I would categorize myself as a "mid-level Star Wars dork" on the levels of dorkdom. I don't think I am the "uberdork" but I think I am
a bit beyond your guy on the street who has seen the original
trilogy. My review will be in the form of a recap because 1. It's
still fairly fresh in my head and departing rapidly. and 2. It is
therapeutic for me to do so. To cut to the chase, on a scale of 1 to
10 with Episode 1 and 2 adding together to a negative 1457, I give
this movie a 3. Here are my thoughts:
The whole beginning with rescuing Emperor Dark Lord Palpatine (whatever his name was) almost made me want to walk out of the theater....seriously. Yeah the effects are nice but hey, it's not like that is such an amazing thing anymore. Like LOTR with basically 3 dudes kicking the crap out of an ocean of enemy armies (I know that is sacrilege to oversimplify it but come on, that’s what all 3 movies were) the space battles have virtually no drama and were just a bunch of cool looking ships (100 billion times more cooler than any in Episode 4-5-6, by the way) running into each other.
And what was up with those cool little droids that would take apart
your ship? So both the Rebellion and the Empire decided that they no
longer had a use for these in Episodes 4-5-6? Lack of consistency
bugged me. Same with the flying R2-D2. I mean who would remove that cool feature for the future? What made this opening battle even more nauseating was the idiotic one-liners between Anakin and Obi-Wan. I know, I know everybody says all of the other movies had the same cruddy dialogue which is true but the original trilogy didn't have nearly as much of it which made it more effective. I kept expecting either one of them during the middle of the space battle to turn directly to the camera and wink...losers.
Okay so the boys are now going to throw down with "Count Doodoo".
Oooooh. So does Christopher Lee have the market cornered on evil bad guys? Anyway, big surprise here, Anakin wins but I thought it was
pretty funny:
Palpatine: Kill him Anakin
Anakin: Nah I can't. I'm a Jedi and that's not 'Jedi-like'.
Palpatine: Yeah but he's a dick and cut off your hand.
Anakin: Yeah?
Palpatine: So kill him.
Anakin: Okay.
What an epic internal conflict there. Moving on, and I am probably going out of order because I am starting to care even less. Anakin and Palpatine are pals but Samuel L. Windu doesn't trust either
"crackers". They let Anakin be on the Jedi Council but not as a Jedi
Master but only as a fluff girl. Anakin whines to Darth crinkling
Emperor dude who tells him about the wonderful fairy tale of "Darth
Jerkoff" who can defy death (like the Midochlorian business - which we
never heard about until now) and this makes Anakin think "Hey, maybe this dark side stuff isn't as bad as everybody has made it out to be".
So back to the anti-sexual, anti-romantic relationship between Anakin
and Padme. Speaking of which, how long was the time frame in this
movie? I mean when Padme told him she was preggers she wasn't showing and at the end...BAM!!! Twins. Was this six to nine months?
So let's move on to the epic Wookie battle.......boring. And what was
up with the General Grievous droid guy? Did he have too
many cigarettes? I know the dorks are lined up to tell me he was probably human or some stupid nonsense. I also thought he was funny the way he would mince around like "Snidely Whiplash" (this means he is evil).
What I thought was really, really wrong and in my opinion out of
character for Vader was when he went to hack up the little Jedi
kiddies. At least for me in any of the other movies I have never
noticed Vader chopping up kids. I know somebody is going to bring up Episode II when he slaughtered the Sand People but, again, he wasn't holding his open sabre over some little sand people kids. I think he would have tried to recruit them or fought his "dark sidedness". As a parent, that actually made me well up a bit and for the first time I really hated Vader and I didn't think he was cool anymore. People say he is this tragic antihero but not anymore, not for me anyway. More of Lucas's ineptness.
Okay, so big light sabre fight, blah blah. Crippled old Yoda bounces
around like Spiderman. Obi-Wan and Anakin look like they are
cheerleaders twirling fiery batons....who cares.
Mildly interesting how Vader gets into the suit except he is obviously
not as big as David Prowse was. That's fine since he is young Vader but then why does he already have the deep, rich James Earl Jones voice? Couldn't be somewhere in between? And the bit about Padme being dead and Emperor breaking the news to Vader was just funny to
me....."Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo".
Okay did I miss anything? I won't buy this film to own. I am proud
to say I don't own Episode 2 but Episode 1 was given to me a gag gift. I probably won't watch the original trilogy again. I think I am going to retire my vintage Don Post Darth Vader mask, circa 1980 from my office desk and into my garage. I pretty much don’t want anybody to know I once really enjoyed these movies.
I sympathise Joe and I'm glad that someone has at last had the courage to stand up and give an alterate version of the critiques I have been hearing for the last two weeks. I have yet to see the film, but as you might remember from previous discussions, I was not then, nor am I now, hopeful of the outcome. In my opinion, Lucas is one of the worst directors/scriptwriters in popular film and I for one will not be letting CGI do the work of real acting/plot development. When I do see the film, I will attempt to remain impartial, but I will not be washed over by the fact that it might be better than 1 or 2, as I never judge films on comparisson, but on their individual merit.
Anyway, this is my swan song, I'm off now, despite my slightly premature funeral the other day. Laters people.
Originally posted by StarrmanThanks my friend. Take care and hope to see ya back soon. I totally agree that Lucas is by far one of the worst scriptwriters ever. I hope I didn't spoil it for you but I don't think that is possible.
I sympathise Joe and I'm glad that someone has at last had the courage to stand up and give an alterate version of the critiques I have been hearing for the last two weeks. I have yet to see the film, but as you might remember from previous discussions, I was not then, nor am I now, hopeful of the outcome. In my opinion, Lucas is one of the worst directo ...[text shortened]... my swan song, I'm off now, despite my slightly premature funeral the other day. Laters people.
Well said Joe
I repost From the Liked Episode 3? But hated the... thread
01 Jun '05 06:05 :: 0 recommendations
from rolling stone ... I must say after seeing it I agree ...
Drink the Kool-Aid. Wear blinders. Cover your ears. Because that's the
only way you can totally enjoy Revenge of the Sith -- the final and
most futile attempt from skilled producer, clumsy director and tin-
eared writer George Lucas to create a prequel trilogy to match the
myth-making spirit of the original Star Wars saga he unleashed
twenty-eight years ago. Fan boys, of course, have convinced
themselves otherwise. So have several critics, if you go by early
reviews.
Heralded for its savagery (my God, it's rated PG-13), the film follows
Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen -- to merely call him wooden
is an affront to puppets everywhere) as he loses his limbs and his
conscience and takes on the evil mantle of Darth Vader. But thematic
darkness is no excuse for dimness in all other departments, except
the visual.
In this heretic's opinion, Sith is a stiff, brought down by that special
knack Lucas has of turning flesh-and-blood actors into cardboard
cutouts. To hear Anakin and his pregnant wife, Senator Padme (the
vivacious Natalie Portman rendered vacant), discuss their marriage --
a secret that could get Anakin defrocked as a Jedi -- is to redefine
stilted for a new millennium. The minute any character -- human or
droid -- opens a mouth to speak, your eyes glaze over.
you can read the rest there
Originally posted by Mangy MoooseThanks, I think I purposedly avoided that thread before seeing the movie but now I will read it.
Well said Joe
I repost From the Liked Episode 3? But hated the... thread
01 Jun '05 06:05 :: 0 recommendations
from rolling stone ... I must say after seeing it I agree ...
Drink the Kool-Aid. Wear blinders. Cover your ears. Because that's the
only way you can totally enjoy Revenge of the Sith -- the final and
most futile attempt from ski ...[text shortened]... human or
droid -- opens a mouth to speak, your eyes glaze over.
you can read the rest there
Originally posted by Joe FistSeriously, tell us what you REALLY think!
WARNING - Do not read any further if you are planning to see the movie!!!! The following thread contains detail from the movie. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED:
Okay,I finally saw Star Wars. Before I make any comments, I would categorize myself as a "mid-level Star Wars dork" on the levels of dorkdom. I don't think I am the "uberdork" but I think I am
a ...[text shortened]... nd into my garage. I pretty much don’t want anybody to know I once really enjoyed these movies.
😛