I've had some vagrants and assorted riff-raff going through my garbage looking for cans and bottles. I've been dumping by Yellow Labs monsterous poops in with the recycling, however, this has failed to deter the scavenging of said bums.
I need to take decisive action to address this situation before I come down one morning to find a smelly hobo asleep in the back of my truck. Thievery of my garbage cannot be tolerated as it will surely lead to other problems.
As a result, I've designed a bum-a-pault. To make your own bum-a-pault you'll need the following:
- one blue recycling box filled with assorted bottles and perhaps a half empty bottle of tequilla placed prominently on top
- 60' of heavy rubber tubing
- one ballon filled with flourescent yellow paint
- one ballon sized funnel
- 40' of fine string or fishing line
- one 1/4" thick piece of plywood cut to 15" x 15"
- one piece of 14" long 1" diameter PVC pipe
- three heavy wooden stakes (one will be the "trigger" stake the other two will be "anchor" stakes.
- one 1" piece of dowling cut with a 30 degree angle notch cut into the side towards one end
Basic instructions are as follows:
- Drive the trigger stake as close to vertical as possible into the ground. Try to conceal this in a shrubbery or pile of refuse. Cut the top of the stake at a 45 degree angle.
- Drive the anchor stakes out as far as possible away from the trigger stake while still keeping them within your property line (get them equi distant from the trigger stake and conceal them with debris, potted plants, etc...)
- Attach at least three strands of rubber tubing to the anchor stakes. Make this as taught as possible while still being able to draw the tube back to the trigger stake.
- Cut the tube in the middle and tie the funnel to it.
- Pull the funnel, loaded with a water filled balloon back to the trigger stake and let it loose. Note the trajectory as this is where you'll be plaving your 'bait' and rocker plate. Fire several test shots and make the tubing as short as possible, add additional tubing if possible (PM me for guidance as to how to do this). Don't worry too much about concealing the tubing, bums are stupid or they wouldn't be bums.
- Attach the notched "trigger" to the back of the funnel.
- Make a "rocker plate" out of the 1/4" thick plywood and 1" diameter pipe. The plate should be off center by about 30%. I recommend painting this black or grey.
- Attach the rocker plate to the bottom of the recycling bin and position this inside your target zone. Make sure this is within your property line. Back load the recycling bin with
bottles, including the tequilla. Ensure that the weight will shift forward if bottles are removed.
- Tie string or high test fishing line to the rear of the rocker plate.
- Load your funnel with paint (or for a test use water), pull back and attach the trigger to the trigger stake. The trigger should slip off the trigger stake with a bare minimum of movement.
- Pull the rocker string taught and attach it to the trigger.
When the rocker plate shifts forward it should, unless you're incompetent, slip the trigger off the trigger stake and launch the paint filled ballon. Ideally the paint filled ballon and funnel will cross over the impact point.
Any bottle scavenging bum should catch a face full of paint and the funnel should hit him with enough force to launch him off your property. Should this fail to deter any thieving bums from stealing your garbage please PM me for my pneumatic rubber bullet claymore design and methanol flame thrower trip wire anti-personal system.
Originally posted by darvlayThe really troubling thing is I'm really thinking about making the rubber bullet claymore. I have a compressor that puts out over 200psi, a 60 gallon receiver, a large solenoid valve and a bucket full of hard rubber pump bearings. It would be childs play to rig up a recycling box loaded with beer cans with a pressure switch and a large diameter PVC pipe loaded with rubber balls.
If I see a bunch of yellow-faced bums at Hastings and Main next time I'm in Van, you will forever be my personal hero.
Eat hot rubber thieving scum!
