Here is a good one I found at Bill Wall's site:
Chess Addict
Ok, I admit it. I am a chess addict. I have played thousands of games over 35 years. Why, I played over 4,000 games on the Internet last year alone. I have over 2,000 chess books. I can't possibly read them all. I have millions of games of CD, Zip drives, 3.5 inch diskettes, and 5 1/4 inch diskettes. I can't possibly play them all. I have all the chess programs and all the databases. I have ChessBase and NICBase and Chess Assistant and Bookup and Fritz and GNU and TascBase and others, but am playing so much on the Internet or at clubs, I don't have the time to look at them. My games are in PGN, CBF, CBH, CBV, TXT, ZIP, DOC, PDF, RTF, etc. And I have written dozens of chess books and hundreds of chess articles. And I haven't run out of ideas yet. I have organized dozens of events, been involved in chess politics at all levels, and have won my fair share of tournaments. I have my own chess web site with hundreds of links and dozens of chess trivia articles. I guess I am a hopeless chess addict. My wife tries to break me of it with cards or sports or TV or movies or sex or seeing relatives, but nothing works to cure me. I have withdrawal pains if I don't play a game after a few days. I am on the computer playing chess or at the local chess club or looking at some postal game all the time. Don't let this happen to you. Identify the signs early.
You know you are a chess addict if:
you bump into someone or something and say J'adoube.
you set up a chess set with salt and pepper shakers and food items when you sit at a checkered tablecloth.
you calculate 8x8 faster than 7x7
you have more chess clocks than watches
you buy the biggest, fastest, most expensive computer just to play chess on it or use it as a database
mate, mating positions, exposed bishops, and forking the queen have nothing to do with sex
you take a chess set and book to the bathroom, and forget to go to the bathroom
you meet someone, your first question is, "What's your rating?"
every week you downloaded every game from The Week in Chess, in ChessBase 6, ChessBase, and PGN format
you buy a newspaper only if it has a chess column in it
you still think Bobby Fischer is a hero, despite his radio interviews and his 9/11 comments, who will come back the the U.S. and take on the rest of the world again.
you have more chess books than any other book or magazine combined
the Olympics are every two years
you spot the chessboard set up wrong in every movie with a chess scene
you who know exactly what James Bond movie the above scene was taken from
you name any of your pets Fischer, Tal, Karpov, Kasparov, Fritz, Chess (not Checkers) or Alekhine
your favorite movie is "Searching for Bobby Fischer" or "The Luzhin Defense"
you have checkered underwear with "It's your move" on the front
you have fantasies of mating one of the Polgar sisters or (that's checkmating)
have a crush on Irina Krush
your favorite snack is Pepperidge Farm's Chessmen cookies
you have the 2003 International Chess Calendar hanging up in front of you with your name on one of the calendar dates
you have the "Chessplayers make better mates" bumper sticker on your car or briefcase
you know what BCO, ECO, MCO, NCO, PCO all mean and have all these books
you ask girl if she plays chess before you ask her out for a date
you end your letters and email with "P.S. 1.P-K4 (or 1.e4)" hoping to start a game
you drop everything and quickly spin around if you hear someone say, "Hi, Bobby" at a chess tournament
you take a test, and 5 minutes before you run out of time, you mentally tell yourself that your flag is about to fall
you have your name on a brick in front of the Chess Hall of Fame
you go to any Barnes and Noble in the world and know exactly where all the chess books are located
you reply to messages found on rec.games.chess
you post new messages looking for your only friends on rec.games.chess
when the cashier says, "Check?" you wink and say "mate"
you have a chess logo on your letterhead or shirt
tries to play cards blindfolded
wants the child's nursery to have black and white squares
uses chessboard cufflinks and tie clips
only time voted was in the USCF election
has a chess mug for coffee
a Bishop scandal is someone who puts his Bishop on the wrong colored diagonal
fantasizes of also beating Mr Spock in 3-D chess
still thinks Kasparov is world champion and has always been world champion since beating Karpov in 1985
going to a chess tournament and can't wait in saying "Look at those chess nuts boasting by an open foyer."
looks for three other friends to play bug-house
have used any of these aliases while on the Internet: Buttvinik, Caissa, Gata, Bobby Fischer, IvanCheck, Polgar, Jadoube, Kapablanca, KnightStalker, KibitzandBlitz, KnightRider, Pawnographer, Philidork, Queenforker, Rookie Player, Roy Lopez, TarraschCan, Zukertort, KillerMate
you have played the ghost of Geza Maroczy
you own a Harry Potter or Civil War chess set
you played in chess tournaments all year long and have almost made $1,000 (but you spent $2,000 earning that)
you have read all of this.