Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was
announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will
merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about
1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the
overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah
was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently
high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrisnukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being
the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on
the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there", the message
on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens". In
exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and
his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In
fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three
hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk
and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A
breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher.
All sides appeared happy about this development except for Santa's dentist.
He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing
rendition of Oy, Come all Ye Faithful
Originally posted by Dr StrangeloveThe market makers were however unimpressed as stocks in both Christmas and Chanukah fell by 16% on the news.
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.
🙂