Recently t1000 started a thread that had to deal with marraige and its responsibilities. I believe that of all the people who responded to that thread, I was the only one who had never been married or had never had any children. Despite the seeming onesidedness of that thread, I wonder if the primacy of the nuclear family is a thing of the past, and if so, whether its passing should be at all mourned.
The concept of the nuclear family was, of course, a derivative of the older concept of the extended family. In pre-industrial societies, a vast majority of people lived and died very close to the place inwhich they were born. Most of a persons relatives were not too far away, they grew up together and played a vital role in the raising of a family. With the advent of the industrial revolution and the greater social mobility which resulted, the extended family was pared down to the nuclear family. The "ideal" family became one which consisted of a married couple, who assumed the whole burden of providing for, and raising their biological children.
As society has continued to evolve, these assumptions are increasingly being put to the test. Divorce rates continue to climb. People are waiting longer than ever before to get married, or do so not at all. The number of single parent families continues to climb. More women are joining the work force and changing the traditional concept of gender roles. Same sex marraiges are gaining more acceptance. All these factors have made it increasingly difficult for the nuclear family to live up to the expectations that society has placed upon it.
As the challenges to the traditional nuclear family continue to rise, and as the concept of the nuclear family finds itself increasingly unable to keep up with these challenges, is it fair to expect that it should do so? Is it time to rethink the primacy of the nuclear family? If society continues to place more demands on the family unit, is it fair to expect that society should provide more of a role in the raising of its children? Should more accessible and better funded daycare absolve parents of their role as being solely responsible for the raising of their children? Finally, is the perceived demise of the nuclear family to be mourned, or should it be viewed as an inevitable result of changing social circumstances which requires new solutions?
The traditional family model will always be there, but families being what they are there will always be divorce and blended families as part of the mix. There will also come a time when we accept gay/lesbian relationships as normal and part of the nuclear family. A lot of people have trouble with these unions, but I don't and I'm OK with them adopting and enjoying every right that so called traditional families enjoy. The problem with marriage as an institution today has less to do with marriage and more to do with the lack of emotional and financial maturity at the time of marriage. Teenagers have no business getting married or having children. Kirk
Originally posted by kirksey957I mean no disrespect to your statement, but I got married as a teenager and my family functions in a very loving and healthy manner. I think the problem with marriage is the same source as much of the pain in the world. I think most personal problems can be avoided if people would be brave enought to see the world and the people in it as it truly is and not as they would have it be. I know it can be difficult to accept this messy world with all of its anger and ignorance, but to deny the truth is to invite the tears. If you search this world and find not love, plant the seed and nurture its growth. Oh, what a fragile thing honest and unconditional love is.Thusly is it so rare in this age of wanton distruction. God help us all, for most will not help themselves.
[ ....Teenagers have no business getting married or having children. Kirk[/b]
Originally posted by OmnislashJust because the results of a decision are fotuitous it doesn't follow the the decision itself was wise. You have, in effect, won the lottery with your marriage. Most teenagers who get married aren't so lucky.
I mean no disrespect to your statement, but I got married as a teenager and my family functions in a very loving and healthy manner. I think the problem with marriage is the same source as much of the pain in the world. I think most personal problems can be avoided if people would be brave enought to see the world and the people in it as it truly is and no ...[text shortened]... so rare in this age of wanton distruction. God help us all, for most will not help themselves.
Originally posted by bbarrI concede that most teenage marriages fail. I do believe it is greatly due to that they have a preconceived notion of how it should be. At the same time, I must also admit that most people in their teens would not enter into marriage if they knew what all it entailed. I had a friend who got married at the same age I did, and surely enough he got divorced in less than a year. I married my best friend, he married a girl he met a month earlier. There is both heart and logic in one, while the other is lacking. He will tell you the same today.
Just because the results of a decision are fotuitous it doesn't follow the the decision itself was wise. You have, in effect, won the lottery with your marriage. Most teenagers who get married aren't so lucky.
I got married as a teenager and my family functions in a very loving and healthy mannerI'm glad that things worked out. How much support (direct, financial etc...) did you get from your & her family? Do they live close by?
The reason I'm asking is that I have long thought that the nuclear family is a dissaster. If you look at any many mammals who raise their young over many years (k type?) they are social and the responsability for raising of the is shared amoung the group. That's how we used to live, but as Rwinglett said, we now often live with fragmented families (mine is spread throughout the world: Canada, America, England, Scotland, Wales, Spain, Belgium...) so there is no support structure. I think one of the reasons people are waiting much longer to marry & to have children is because you have to be so much more mature to cope with these things on your own - it's much rarer now to have an Aunty Edith down the road who'll look after the screaming baby because you need the sleep; it's all your problem now.
Unless the family unit, which has been largely destroyed in recent decades, is replaced by something else (a commune of friends, organisations you pay to help out) then people have to cope on their own. And many people don't, hence raising divorce rates etc.
Originally posted by belgianfreakI think you're really on to something there. We both have family close by, in the next town actually. Financial support is almost non-existent, but there has been a lot of emotional support from my family. My grandparents on my mothers side are the only ones who have ever really given a damn about me, and they continue to be a sort of anchor for me even though I'm starting to take more care of them than they me. Yep, money has never been gotten easily with us. When we got married it was in jeans and T-shirts, in the local park, the service being performed by our local undertaker. It's never been glamerous, but we didn't expect it to be.
I'm glad that things worked out. How much support (direct, financial etc...) did you get from your & her family? Do they live close by?
The reason I'm asking is that I have long thought that the nuclear family is a dissaster. If you look at any many mammals who raise their young over many years (k type?) they are social and the responsability for rai ...[text shortened]... then people have to cope on their own. And many people don't, hence raising divorce rates etc.
🙂