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Favorite Family Guy Quotes

Favorite Family Guy Quotes

General

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Peter - Don't worry I will talk to lois, as soon as I get some advice from my old friend Jack Peters.
Peter - Hello, mrs peters? I would like to talk to jack, oh my god, I am sorry! Poor jack, a wise man but loved that wheat threasher, always playing with that wheat thresher.

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Cleavland - If your concerned about chris's weight why dont you suck the fat out of him

Peter - well if you can find a hole on the boy then be my guest!

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Peter - There's only one thing to do, learn the language of the fleas, breed with the females, and soon our differences will be over.
Lois - Call the damn exterminator!

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Peter - Hello? grant a dream foundation, my son chris is dying!
Chris - OH MY GOD! I AM DYING NO, HELP, WHY!
Peter - That was the lie.
Chris - Oh, you sly boots.

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Kid at the lemonade stand - but mister I cant take a credit card, I need real money

Peter- Yeah huh, cash only, huh, leave no trail huh, what are you selling Crack, Weed, dust, Meth, X? In my neighborhood, I dont think so! (kicks over stand while kid runs off crying)

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PASSION OF THE CHRIST 2 - CRUCIFY THIS!

LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN, KICK ASS!

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two things come to mind.
1. shut up.
2.hello 911? yeah this is quagmire, its caught in the window this time.

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Originally posted by pawnfondler
two things come to mind.
1. shut up.
2.hello 911? yeah this is quagmire, its caught in the window this time.
Long John Peter - Ah ha terrible pharmacy toys! We'l make sure no kid receives one of these as a last minute gift hastily bought on the way to the party!







Doc Jewish - I am sorry peter your parrot is... dead
Peter- NO! Did he at least die with dignity?
Doc Jewish - Well, he squaked and fell off the table then flopped around for a minute....
Peter - and thats how he died?
Doc Jewish - No, he bit a passing nurse who kicked him into a bucket of urine which musta scared him because he threw up his bowels all over the place. So I tried to pick him up, then I got angry because some of it got on me. So I threw him against the wall and thats how he died.

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Peter (with mustashe) - Theres a guy in that burning building, I am going in after him, but I could get hurt, no, with great mustashe, comes great responsibility!

Runs in building dragging guy out, then shreiks in horror with his moustashe on fire, gets fire out only to find it is burt off.

Peter- NOOOO

Guy- Hey thanks you saved my life!

Peter- BUT AT WHAT COST?! AT WHAT COST?!

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This one is great:

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley, and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife's been dead for six years... who the hell did I hit?

But my favorite moment ever has no sound. Its the take on the DeBeers diamond commercials. The male shadow give the girl shadow a diamond ring. She starts dropping to her knees, then the words show on the screen. "Diamonds: She'll pretty much have to."

1 edit
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Game Show

Guess this sentance

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ G o _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ u c k _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ Y o u r s e l f _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Contestant -"Is it go tuck yourself in?"
Game Show - "CORRECT!"
Chris - "Well, you almost had it dad."

EDIT-

Minister - You may now kiss the bride
Peter - Kiss her? I am going to destroy her!