Funniest Joke in the World...

Not sure how widely reported this has been, but I was reading in Metro
(London's free morning paper), about a study at Hertfordshire
University into what makes a funny joke... I won't bore you with the
details, but apparently the following joke contains all the right
ingredients...

Two New Jersey hunters are in the woods when one falls to the
ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled
back in his head. The other whips out his mobile and calls the
emergency services.

He gasps "My friend is dead, what can I do?".

The operator, in a soothing voice, says "Just take it easy. I can help.
First we need to make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes
back "Ok, now what?"

!!

And the funniest American Joke...

Two friends are playing golf at their local course. One is about to chip
onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road
next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes
his eyes and bows down in prayer.

His friend says "That is the most touching and thoughtful thing I have
ever seen. You truly are kind".

The man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years"...

Chris,the funniest,for me, was the first one I ever heared.Daddy told
me.Dont even think about asking.It was a toliet joke,unrepeatable to
sensitive ears.
Lyn.

2 dogs walking down the road
1st says "nice day isn't it"
2nd says " bloody hell, a talking dog"

had be hurting with laughter for 10 minutes, although I can't work out
why now.

Sounds like the two redneck boys walking down the road and see a
dog on the side licking himself (you all know where) and one looks at
the other and says.."Boy I wish I could do that!"...to which the other
replies.. "Man...that dog would bite youuuu"

hehehehe

Dave

Dogs have some un social habits,
That's why I won't have one,but when I was a kid,we had a wippet,she
was my first love.
Lyn.

Ah yes, the anorexic dogs that, unlike greyhounds, aren't actually
*good* at anything or particularly useful.

--Rein ...that should make some people mad...

Same here Lyn, see my profile for a pic of my first love (and no it's
not a picture of me!)

Mark
The Squirrel Lover

PS: I remember lying on the ground with tears of laughter running
down my cheeks when I was told the "what do you call a three legged
donkey joke" when I was 7. Now whenever I say it people look at me
blankly and say "but that's not very funny". Grrrr.

"What is brown and sticky?"

V

V
[read down]
V

V

V
[read down]
V

V

And the answer…..

"A stick, of course!"

Surely the funniest joke ever
(Conditions apply: Must be told in pub after much beer)

Jane is walking through the jungle when she see Tarzan standing very
close to a tree. Upon closer inspection she notices that Tarzan has his
manhood stuck in a hole in the tree.

"Tarzan!" cries jane "what are you doing ?"

"Me make um love to tree"

Jane lifts up her skirt, points and says "Why don't you make love to
me here instead ?"

"eh Ok" Replies Tarzan.

Jane lies down on the ground and closes her eyes with anticipation.
Suddenly Tarzan runs up and kicks her in the crotch.

"Ouch" Cries Jane " What did you do that for ?"

"Me check for Squirrels !!!"

Why does Tarzan scream
AHHHHHHHAHHHHAAAAAHHHHHOOOOO..through the jungle as he
swings??

Cause he can't get out "NO JANE!! THE VINE!! GRAB THE
VIIIINNNEEEE!!!!"


Dave