Ok, this is the poem as it stands now...
Burnt To Ashes
Standing here,
I am burnt to ashes.
I once layed there,
under your compassion.
In my thoughts
are dreams of heaven,
we walk along its shore...
I am falling now
down to a dungeon,
bricked with lonely thoughts.
Opportunity has passed us
as if dreamt by twilight.
We tripped upon outcroppings...
The roots of our past.
In a forest peppered with thorns,
stumbling upon the fate of our transgressions.
Now I am standing here,
burnt to ashes,
layed out under the canopy,
under our compassion.
In our thoughts
are dreams of heaven,
we walk along its shore...
I am thinking about taking out the second verse... but am unsure... what do you think?
Originally posted by ChessJesterI think its beautiful as it stands.
Ok, this is the poem as it stands now...
Burnt To Ashes
Standing here,
I am burnt to ashes.
I once layed there,
under your compassion.
In my thoughts
are dreams of heaven,
we walk along its shore...
I am falling now
down to a dungeon,
bricked with lonely thoughts.
Opportunity has passed us
as if dreamt by twilight.
We tripped upon ...[text shortened]... e...
I am thinking about taking out the second verse... but am unsure... what do you think?
Well done.
Originally posted by ChessJesterI read it as about the ever escaping happiness in love. About a relationship that falls apart as the result of your (both of you?) shortcomings. Then forgiveness, reunion and compassion again. The circle complete and love strenghtened.
Ok, this is the poem as it stands now...
Burnt To Ashes
Standing here,
I am burnt to ashes.
I once layed there,
under your compassion.
In my thoughts
are dreams of heaven,
we walk along its shore...
I am falling now
down to a dungeon,
bricked with lonely thoughts.
Opportunity has passed us
as if dreamt by twilight.
We tripped upon ...[text shortened]... e...
I am thinking about taking out the second verse... but am unsure... what do you think?
Beautiful from where I read it.
You should enter that verse competition royalchicken's got going.
(I especially liked the part where the dungeon is bricked with lonely thoughts. Very deep.)
Burnt To AshesOh well - plenty more fish.....
Standing here,
I am burnt to ashes.
I once layed there,
under your compassion.
In my thoughts
are dreams of heaven,
we walk along its shore...
I am falling now
down to a dungeon,
bricked with lonely thoughts.
better off without her and all that
:'(
Thanks everyone.
It is more metaforical and therefore can be interpreted differently for different people
When I was writing it I was thinking about a love that was not fully fulfilled... and an opportunity to express that love that was not taken... it was missed because of hesitation bred from past transgressions... and now there is no chance to fulfill that love for she (he) has passed away... and it leaves a hole in your life.
Edit: Stocken, I like your interpretation of it...
Compassion is a universal thing that humans feel for other beings, not necessarily between the two people in the poem... it brings an element of hopefullness to it that I quite enjoy... there will always be hope as long as we have the capacity to dream.
