Her diary:
He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a bar
for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else.I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love.But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.
His diary:
England lost. Got laid though.
How to Shower Like a Woman.
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.If you see husband
along the way,cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note
to do more sit-ups
4.Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long
loofah,wide loofah,and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced
with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body
wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small
country.Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way,
shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of
your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they
sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the
soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because
the curtain was hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass
wife,pull off towel,shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound
again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is any one among you who did not laugh at the truth behind
this,there is something so very wrong with you.
Originally posted by SirLoseALoti have to say i didn't laugh, because i think you got some of the actions of the sexes mixed up.
If there is any one among you who did not laugh at the truth behind
this,there is something so very wrong with you.
ok now i will laugh.
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀
in fiendship,
prad
edit: hmmmm ... just so there is no misunderstanding or future ramifications from anyone in particular, i actually did laugh but pretended not to and none of my previous comments are derived from any personal experiences whatsoever
edit: sirlosealot, notice you have been posting several of these comparative gender items (containing matrimonial allusions) recently. does this mean you have gone through with that marriage you were contemplating several months ago, are no longer a bachelor and are immersed in a process of reflective self-adjustment? 😉
Why thank you sirlosalot, I had never really been taught to shower like a real man and it turns out that I was mistaken on several points. But, thanks to your tutorial, I am now changing my routine so as to be able to perfect my showering abilities. I am now deeply in your debt, so you have my gratitude from the depths of my gut.
Sincerly-
qwik
Originally posted by pradtfNope,still bachelor.I never said I was going to marry,only that I met the woman of my dreams.She turned out to be more of a nightmare though 🙁
i have to say i didn't laugh, because i think you got some of the actions of the sexes mixed up.
ok now i will laugh.
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀
in fiendship,
prad
edit: hmmmm ... just so there is no misunderstanding or future ramifications from anyone in particular, i actually did laugh but pretended not to and none of my previous comments are derived ...[text shortened]... hs ago, are no longer a bachelor and are immersed in a process of reflective self-adjustment? 😉
Your post was quite clear,just have trouble with one small part of your edit,and I quote: 'my previous comments are derived from any personal experiences whatsoever' hehehe,suuuuuuuuure 😉
Originally posted by SirLoseALotjust to be clear, the quote was actually
Your post was quite clear,just have trouble with one small part of your edit,and I quote: 'my previous comments are derived from any personal experiences whatsoever' hehehe,suuuuuuuuure 😉
"none of my previous comments are derived from any personal experiences whatsoever"
and that was put in there for my own protection (just in case the wrong person read it) 😀
sorry to hear that your dream turned into a nightmare, but at least it never became reality so, i suppose, congrats are still in order!
in friendship,
prad
Originally posted by SirLoseALotnope, not married yet. I did meet the girl of my dreams once, only problem was that I met her husband five minutes later... j/k
To wucky: Men are great,aren't they 😛
To quicksilver: Never to old to learn.I do hope you're not married.If you are,i hope she REALLY loves you,A LOT! 😉