And I thought I'd share it with ya!!
This Boundless Attraction
Oh Attraction!
Glorious Allurement!
How my longing for your kiss
Does enthrall my soul with bliss!
Oh enchantress
Of the most fabulous!
Your lips - Hypnotic Blossoms.
You, darling - A Dazzling Dream.
The sky collapses
Away from all darkness.
A pupil so beautiful,
So deep and conscious.
This blue rivals beauty
At its most prominent elegance.
Your eyes - My world.
My past - Irrelevant!
How your graceful stare
Does infect my heart.
An aristocracy
Among infatuation!
Thrust forth
into never-known places,
My soul splits
into infinite traces,
Each piece transcends
to a finite delicacy,
A feeling, so large,
so small, so heavenly!
I am but a blessed mortal
In this boundless scape...
This euphoric paradise.
As we dance,
With limbs entangled,
How my soul does swell
How my fears do quell
When engaged with the stare
of such an astounding angel!
Originally posted by ChessJesterI found the style staid and the metaphoric imagery was a postiche!
And I thought I'd share it with ya!!
[b]This Boundless Attraction
Oh Attraction!
Glorious Allurement!
How my longing for your kiss
Does enthrall my soul with bliss!
Oh enchantress
Of the most fabulous!
Your lips - Hypnotic Blossoms.
You, darling - A Dazzling Dream.
The sky collapses
Away from all darkness.
A pupil so beautiful ...[text shortened]... s swell
How my fears do quell
When engaged with the stare
of such an astounding angel!
[/b]
Originally posted by ChessJesterI think this is a really nice poem. You were obviously passionately in love when writing it (or at least in lust). I'm purplexed by your use of the sky collapsing away from all darkness, though. I would think that collapsing skies would lead to darkness, and not away from it. The imagery is far from perfect, and not entirely held together. But there's a passion in the poem that makes up for the lack of consistent imagery.
And I thought I'd share it with ya!!
[b]This Boundless Attraction
Oh Attraction!
Glorious Allurement!
How my longing for your kiss
Does enthrall my soul with bliss!
Oh enchantress
Of the most fabulous!
Your lips - Hypnotic Blossoms.
You, darling - A Dazzling Dream.
The sky collapses
Away from all darkness.
A pupil so beautiful ...[text shortened]... s swell
How my fears do quell
When engaged with the stare
of such an astounding angel!
[/b]
On the whole, I liked it. 🙂
[Edit: I should add that even though I like to read and write poetry myself, I'm far from an expert in the field. More of a wannabe. So, don't take my critique too seriously. I meant it in a constructive way. Not to bash down on you. 🙂 ]
Hey thanks alot everyone...
About the collapsing sky metafor... The blue sky is supposed to be her blue eyes... The blue sky wraps around the earth (her pupil) ... collapsing away from the darkness of empty space... which is really the darkness (or empty space) in my life that she takes away when I stare into her eyes... and the earth is full of many things (it has depth) and so much of which is conscious (she is smart).
Originally posted by PeachyI DID!!
"He" could be a "she" you know.. 😛
Still, very nice poem indeed. Why don't you publish it in;
http://allpoetry.com/
[url]http://allpoetry.com/poets/Stix[/url]
I definitly don't love this girl... although the potential is there... we have only been dating for 3 weeks but wow, the attraction I feel to her is so intense... unlike anything I've ever known!
"Thrust forth
into never-known places,
My soul splits
into infinite traces,
Each piece transcends
to a finite delicacy,
A feeling, so large,
so small, so heavenly! "
It is a delicacy!
Originally posted by ChessJesterAaaaaah. Of course. Stupid me. Good poem.
which is really the darkness (or empty space) in my life that she takes away when I stare into her eyes...
It's refreshing with a positive and happy poem every once in a while, isn't it? Wish you two the best of luck there.
🙂
Originally posted by ChessJesterFrom the peanuts gallery:
And I thought I'd share it with ya!!
[b]This Boundless Attraction
Oh Attraction!
Glorious Allurement!
How my longing for your kiss
Does enthrall my soul with bliss!
Oh enchantress
Of the most fabulous!
Your lips - Hypnotic Blossoms.
You, darling - A Dazzling Dream.
The sky collapses
Away from all darkness.
A pupil so beautiful ...[text shortened]... s swell
How my fears do quell
When engaged with the stare
of such an astounding angel!
[/b]
"How my longing for your kiss
Does enthrall my soul with bliss!"
How can you have bliss (a kind of fullfilment) when you are longing for it?
"Oh enchantress
Of the most fabulous!"
most fabulous what?
"A pupil so beautiful,"
eyes
"This blue rivals beauty"
eyes
"Your eyes - My world."
eyes
"How your graceful stare"
and more eyes
The eyes and the soul are pretty well covered.
"How your graceful stare
Does infect my heart."
Ha, ha. "infection" is none too desirable.
"An aristocracy
Among infatuation!"
Huh?
"Thrust forth
into never-known places,
My soul splits
into infinite traces,"
Are we having intercourse now?
"As we dance,
With limbs entangled,"
Oh really? entangled limbs make quite a mess.
"How my soul does swell"
it's swelling now? In a prior verse it was splitting up.
"How my fears do quell"
O I get it. It makes a rhyme with quell.
Originally posted by RegicidalI guess because "Vorfreude ist die beste Freude", i.e. anticipation (the literal translation would be "pre-joy" ) is the best joy.
From the peanuts gallery:
"How my longing for your kiss
Does enthrall my soul with bliss!"
How can you have bliss (a kind of fullfilment) when you are longing for it?