Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over.
Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy".
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him
over".
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it
ain't Paddy".
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two BUMHOLES."
"What, he had two BUMHOLES???" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two BUMHOLES. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two BUMHOLES...."
Loses it just a little due to hvaing to be moderated to be acceptable.
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.
Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5
people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman retorts
disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
people.""
You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
