"Is anyone reading this crap?" test horoscope

Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. Supporting your country's economy will make you feel better about yourself.
Gemini - You will find lasting happiness with a guy named Jim. [You male readers are no doubt asking, "what about me?!" Trust me. Go gay on this one.]
Cancer - check daily for lumps. Easing your worries will give you peace of mind.
Leo - despite your nerdiness and/or pointy ears, you will score with a chick that's way too hot for you. [You female readers are no doubt asking, "what about me?" Trust me. Dyke out on this one.]
Virgo - don't worry. You'll get laid someday. Keep on trying and hoping.
Libra - it's OK to speak up once in awhile. Assert yourself.
Scorpio - if that one doesn't work, buy a stronger bug spray. Determination is the key to success.
Sagittarius - get a boob job. It will do wonders for the self-esteem. [Male readers: don't think you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.

"Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it."
March 25 Aries with normal tolerances for spicy foods.

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.

I am Gemini, male and called Jim.

Does this make me Jim and I? 😕

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.

Cancer - Aie, don't lump my head with worries, please. My peace needs some mind. 😲

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.

Good grief.

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.

is this yer original writing,
or merely copy and paste???
i'd hate to think this wasn't yours,
and all those thumbs were misplaced...

I wrote that piece myself
[not to toot my bugle]
If you don't believe me, then...
...Do a search on Google

Aquarius - Pisces - Aries - This year Germany are going to win the World Cup, so be sure to place a bet. Italy will be fourth if you like to bet fancy.

Taurus - Gemini - World Cup 2014 will be won by Spain, so pop in at your bookmaker. Get back to me in August about how best to spend the winnings.

Cancer - Leo - Virgo - The moody Dutch [many of them Cancer/Leo] will win in Brazil in July, have a flutter with confidence, although you need to build up your confidence in bed again after last month's let downs.

Libra - Scorpio - Sagittarius - Capricorn - put a bob or two on Brazil to win the World Cup at home this year, it's in the stars. It's that little bit of green alongside the yellow and blue ~ oooh! ~ and in July too! It's a dead cert.

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.

Bug spray? Seriously? I just tell them that I'm a Scorpio and half Sicilian, and they back up. In fear. If that doesn't work, I tell them my former "job" and watch them pee themselves from PTSD. Ahh, good times, good times...