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"Is anyone reading this crap?" test horoscope

General


Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. Supporting your country's economy will make you feel better about yourself.
Gemini - You will find lasting happiness with a guy named Jim. [You male readers are no doubt asking, "what about me?!" Trust me. Go gay on this one.]
Cancer - check daily for lumps. Easing your worries will give you peace of mind.
Leo - despite your nerdiness and/or pointy ears, you will score with a chick that's way too hot for you. [You female readers are no doubt asking, "what about me?" Trust me. Dyke out on this one.]
Virgo - don't worry. You'll get laid someday. Keep on trying and hoping.
Libra - it's OK to speak up once in awhile. Assert yourself.
Scorpio - if that one doesn't work, buy a stronger bug spray. Determination is the key to success.
Sagittarius - get a boob job. It will do wonders for the self-esteem. [Male readers: don't think you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.

1 edit

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.
"Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it."
March 25 Aries with normal tolerances for spicy foods.

2 edits
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Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.
I am Gemini, male and called Jim.

Does this make me Jim and I? 😕

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Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.
Cancer - Aie, don't lump my head with worries, please. My peace needs some mind. 😲

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Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.
Good grief.

1 edit

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.
is this yer original writing,
or merely copy and paste???
i'd hate to think this wasn't yours,
and all those thumbs were misplaced...


I wrote that piece myself
[not to toot my bugle]
If you don't believe me, then...
...Do a search on Google


Aquarius - Pisces - Aries - This year Germany are going to win the World Cup, so be sure to place a bet. Italy will be fourth if you like to bet fancy.

Taurus - Gemini - World Cup 2014 will be won by Spain, so pop in at your bookmaker. Get back to me in August about how best to spend the winnings.

Cancer - Leo - Virgo - The moody Dutch [many of them Cancer/Leo] will win in Brazil in July, have a flutter with confidence, although you need to build up your confidence in bed again after last month's let downs.

Libra - Scorpio - Sagittarius - Capricorn - put a bob or two on Brazil to win the World Cup at home this year, it's in the stars. It's that little bit of green alongside the yellow and blue ~ oooh! ~ and in July too! It's a dead cert.


Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
Aquarius - your large pets are causing you great stress. Give them away and get some fish instead.
Pisces - you are getting tired of long, rectangular candy bars. Try something circular and peanut-butter-filled instead.
Aries - make sure and take your Beano before you eat spicy food. Your friends will thank you for it.
Taurus - buy an american car. ...[text shortened]... ink you're off the hook on this one.]
Capricorn - A balanced diet is the key to a healthy life.
Bug spray? Seriously? I just tell them that I'm a Scorpio and half Sicilian, and they back up. In fear. If that doesn't work, I tell them my former "job" and watch them pee themselves from PTSD. Ahh, good times, good times...