TOP 8 MORONS OF THE YEAR.
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying
he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance
package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them in the
police line, shouting, Please come out and give yourself up.
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for
all the money in
the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store
clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until
police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect
who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the
lineup to repeat the words: Give me all your money or I'll
shoot, The man
shouted, hat's not what I said!
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, My wife is pregnant
and her
contractions are only two minutes apart! Is this her first
child? The
doctor asked. No! the man shouted, This is her husband!
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a
thumb and a finger
to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his
hand in his
pocket.(hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!)
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high
desert, an hour east
of Bakersfield, Cal. some folks, new to boating, were having
a problem. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand
new 22 ft boat
going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no
matter how much
power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it
go, they putted
to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them
what was wrong. A
thorough top side check revealed everything in perfect
working condition.
The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the
propeller was
the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys
jumped in the water
to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE . Under the boat, still
strapped securely in
place, was the trailer.
and if thats not enough, i heard on the radio last summer about some crooks in holland. they went into a bank. as they were doing so, they got stuck in the revolving door. the bank personell let them out and they proceeded to hold the place up. considering what just happened at the door the bank tellers thought they were joking and started to laugh at the men. one of them pretended to have a gun in his pocket. unfortunately for him he didnt and accidentally took his hand out of his pocket. the bank tellers were in fits of laughter now. the robbers were so infuriated that one of them tried to jump onto the counter to show they meant business. only he tripped and spraned hius ankle. they then tried to escape but got caught in the door again. this time they were rescued by the cops.