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looking for a toastee

looking for a toastee

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...hi...my name is jack...i am 31....i am a toaster...i still live at sears
and roebuck with my parents...( we share a nice shelf in housewares )...any hot toastee's out there...i don't have a job yet
( but there was a restaurant manager out there looking for someone to do waffles )....i like kids...maybe we could get our electric cords together and bring some new sterno cans into the market...anyway...i
have all my handles ( i floss daily ) and and in case you need to know..i am white ( porcelain ) and really really like toastee's with an
asian design....send me your picture from the catalog and i we can
get together...jack...

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Originally posted by reinfeld
...hi...my name is jack...i am 31....i am a toaster...i still live at sears
and roebuck with my parents...( we share a nice shelf in housewares )...any hot toastee's out there...i don't have a job yet
( but there was a restaurant manager out there looking for someone to do waffles )....i like kids...maybe we could get our electric cords together and bring ...[text shortened]... n
asian design....send me your picture from the catalog and i we can
get together...jack...
Dear Jack,

We regret to inform you that we are unable to assist you at this time. The hot plate ran off with the electric can opener, and according to their myspace page -- well, it isn't rated G. The waffle iron can't decide which category it belongs to, but appears to be open to any sort of experience. The iron is hot, but many have reported getting burned so we don't recommend any sort of relationship with that one. We have a blender available if you like taking risks. We have given her your name and number, just in case. Should you decide to travel, there are some nice new exotic items in electronics.

Electronically Yours,

ApplianceLove.Com

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dear appliance.com: thank you for your reply...now i don't know what
to do...i know there is a leather bar over in shoes that opens after
the janitor leaves ( nice neon and good sounds ) but i really don't
know the etiquette of that life style so i might get into some real trouble without even knowing it....and here i am...a stainless steel
american toaster...not some runny east euro aluminum knock-off inported from south asia and assembled badly in east london...and i
can't seem to find that special applance that i so watt for...watt do do...?...please put my name on your waiting list...but don't send me
any pics or referrals that lack a warranty...not out for a cheap trick...i
only want the real deal...thanks again..( crying can be heard as the camera fades out to black )...

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...ok..( such despair ) send over the blender...

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Originally posted by reinfeld
...ok..( such despair ) send over the blender...
I would just cuddle with the electric blanket,then let nature take its course.

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Originally posted by reinfeld
...ok..( such despair ) send over the blender...
I just replaced my disposal. You can have the old one if you're into such things.

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...ah, yes, the symetry of a skunk and a garbage disposal..

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Originally posted by reinfeld
...ah, yes, the symetry of a skunk and a garbage disposal..
You're actually quite funny

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Dear Jack,

Well, the blender -- I don't know what to say. Mayhem wherever she goes. Now we have this quiet little toaster oven -- with a 3-prong plug. Is that a problem?

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..three prong plug....wow...i will meet her at garden shop at three for tea...

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Originally posted by reinfeld
..three prong plug....wow...i will meet her at garden shop at three for tea...
Do let us know how it went! We do like to keep our customers happy!

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Originally posted by reinfeld
...hi...my name is jack...i am 31....i am a toaster...i still live at sears
and roebuck with my parents...( we share a nice shelf in housewares )...any hot toastee's out there...i don't have a job yet
( but there was a restaurant manager out there looking for someone to do waffles )....i like kids...maybe we could get our electric cords together and bring ...[text shortened]... n
asian design....send me your picture from the catalog and i we can
get together...jack...
i know that finding love in the complicated world of appliances can be very hard. however, there is hope! i found this documentary a wee while ago,

http://www.campusmoviefest.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/IdeaFlow.woa/1/wo/jKL6KHlpZ704sw2chJDALg/2.0.3.1.6.0.6.5.0.5

maybe you could get some tips from bob?

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...well, she came out to the garden section...it was hard to tell what
she was like...she had on one of those cloth covers you often see on
appliances in old lady kitchens...i asked her to take it off...she didn't
slap me or anything..she told me her religion required her to stay covered up...all i could see was her on and off switch....after a few
difficult silent moments i asked her if she was fat or pregnant ( seeing
a bulge underneath her fabric cover..."got somehing in the oven there
honey, i blurted out "...at that she took the opportunity to pull out
two potholders...throwing one if front of me and the other in front of
her..( now what was this i wondered ) ..then she said we had to pray
to the kenmore god who was in chicago to the east...and that we had
to raise our kids to do this...( enough of this for me i thought )...i
asked her what kind of religion this was and she said she wasn't sure
but that every night there was this blinding white light from above and
she couldn't sleep...and after a month of this she started to hear voices...she heard alot of salesman walk by and say "kenmore" and
"chicago" so she put two and two togehter ( i hated to tell her that
it was just the janitor leaving on the overhead flourescent )...anyway
i didn't ask for her production code ....not going to call her back...think
i will just go back with mom and dad...time for another round of pinochle and cheese sandwhiches at home...

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Originally posted by reinfeld
(I'm thinking...)