Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
Originally posted by maybeONEdayUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The sec ...[text shortened]... "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
lol.. How stupid 😀
A drunk guy in a bar gets out of his seat and stumbles over to the bar. Barely able to stand up, let alone walk, he calls the Bartender over and says "I bet you £500 that if you put a glass all the way over on the far side of the bar, I can stand here and piss in that glass without a drop hitting the floor."
The Bartender laughed, looks down the length of the bar and says "Seriously, buddy. I'd love to take your money off you but to be fair, pissing that far and that accurately is impossible! It'd be like taking candy from a baby."
The drunk guy replies "Okay then, £1000 says I can do it AND make it a shot glass!" and then pulls out a huge wad of cash and puts infront of him.
The bartender gasps and looks at the £1000 on the bar. He thinks for a few seconds... there's no way the drunk guy can piss that far! "Sure, if you want to throw your money away, I'll take your bet!"
The 2 men shake on it and the bartender goes to get his £1000 from his petty cash. A couple of minutes later the drunk guy is standing on the edge of the bar, and the bartender is down the other end positioning the shot glass.
"No left a bit" slurs the drunk guy "Yeah! Perfect!"
Confidently, the bartender walks back over to the drunk guy, folds his arms and smugly watches as the drunk guy whips it and starts to piss. The drunk guy barely misses his own shoes and pisses everwhere... all over the floor, the bar, and the Bartender himself. Not a single drop landed anywhere near the glass, let alone in it. The batender wipes himself down, laughing this entire time thinking of the money he just won.
The drunk guy gets of the bar and starts laughing too.
The bartender looks confused, "Why the hell are you so happy?! You've just lost £1000 and din't even come close to pissing in the glass!"
The guy responded, "Yeah I know, but I just bet my buddies over there £5000 that I can piss all over the you and bar, and you would do nothing but laugh!!"
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.
The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?
The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."
