(Best done in a Yank yokel accent)
Come all ye yokels with three fingers and a banjo.
Billy-Bob and Mary-Sue live in the deep south, and they was gettin married.
Billy-Bob had for the entire time of knowin' Mary-Sue been trying to get her in the sack.
But Mary-Sue kept saying Now you know you'll get nuthin' until we're married Billy-Bob.
So the big day finally came and the bigger night came strangely enough right after it.
Billy-Bob and Mary-Sue were finally alone, and Billy-Bob could barely contain himself when Mary-Sue stripped off in front of him.
Mary-Sue said Billy-Bob, before anything happens there is something I have to tell you.
And Billy-Bob said What is it, what had to wait until now ?
Where Mary-Sue replied Billy-Bob,...I'm a VIRGIN !!
With that Billy-Bob ran out the door as fast as he could and raced to his Pa's trailer in the paddock down the road and started banging on the door.
Billy-Bobs Pa opened the door and saw him and said Billy-Bob, why aren't you off with your young bride enjoyin' the night like newly-weds are supposed to do? to which a distraught Billy-Bob replies Pa, what do I do, Mary-Sue told me she was a Virgin !?
Well now Billy-Bob... Pa replies you done just the right thing comin' home,... if she ain't good enough for her own family she sure as hell ain't good enough for ours !
A Kiwi walked into the local Welfare Office, and marched straight up
to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate being on the dole, I would really rather
find a job." The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We
just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard
for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around a big black
Mercedes, and the suits, shirts, and ties are provided.
Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you
will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays
trips. The salary package is $200,000 a year."The young man said, "You're
bullshitting me!"
The man behind the counter said, "Well yeah, but you started it!"
😏
An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small
village
and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll
have little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the Kiwi)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me
to the lake once a week to play."
Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the Kiwi)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Kiwi: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Kiwi: "The sheep's a f*cking liar!😲