Oh. So you think you know what embarrassment is, do you? Well Sonny boy, you really don’t know shame, like I know shame!
I am slightly prone to embarrassing situations. It’s like I’m a shame-magnet of sorts. But nothing in this dear, sweet, precious world prepared me for what I just had to go through.
I was at the gym where I do my cardio-fat burning-exercises. Normally I do them on the cross trainer (cross country ski-like machine) and today was no exception. BUT…
There’s always a but (and in this case arguably “a butt&rdquo😉…
There was this really good looking girl on one of the jogging machines. So, instead of doing a second 25 minute bout on the cross trainer, I reckoned I’d give jogging a try instead. There are three machines. I ended up on the centre one.
All went well for the first five minutes or so. I was jogging along on the tread belt (I think that’s what it’s called in English. I mean the part of the machine that you jog on that moves in the opposite direction so you stay in place, but I will refer to it as the tread belt from now on anyways), flashing my charming smile…and lo and behold! She was smiling back.
This doesn’t happen very often at the gym. There are two sorts of people there: the fat and ugly people (the Fuglies) and the slim and beautiful people (the B*stards). I would never attempt to flirt with the Fugly people and the B*stards act like I’ve just crawled out of the primal ooze and still drag my arms along behind me. Today, however, things seemed to have changed.
Jogging and smiling is one thing, but I thought I’d go a step further (excuse the pun…I’m on the tread belt remember) and I said: “So…do you come here often then?”
I swear to God that’s the best I could do. I’m not at my best when I’m sweating like an ox.
I mean: Obviously she came there more often, she didn’t get a body like that from eating fish and bloody chips now, did she?
She smiles some more and replies: “Do you?”
I didn’t know if she was being sarcastic or not, but she was still smiling, so I asked how long one is supposed to jog for it to be of any benefit. As you can tell my chat-up line was going nowhere and it was getting there very fast. But little did I know I was about to go somewhere else even faster.
Before she could answer, my foot stepped beside the tread belt onto the side of the machine (basically something that can happen when you’re not paying too much attention to where you’re supposed to be placing your feet). And my right leg was ripped from under me.
It goes oh so very fast. So my left leg stayed in place and my right leg shot backwards towards the mirrors. I tried (oh god how I tried) to quickly put all my weight on my left leg, but that just wasn’t going to happen. I was in a near split before I had time to properly come up with a plan (this is one of the reasons I play turn based games on the computer).
I say “near split” because I’m not able to do a “full split” and the tread belt just dragged me, left leg and all, to my doom.
Now. What you see in the movies, you know: Someone missteps and is slung off the machine at a ferocious speed and lands on two feet and does a bow…that’s not what happens at all.
Oh no.
No, you sort of get dragged off in slow motion; legs as wide apart as humanly possible.
So, I basically got rolled of the tread belt and did half a head roll on the floor.
I say “half a head roll” because there just wasn’t enough velocity to force me to do a “full head roll.” And I ended up bundled at the bottom of the jogging machine with my knees around my ears and my arse up in the air. Like some shapeless sack of shameless misery.
And get this! I slowly stood up and looked around. Lots of B*stards were laughing, most of the Fuglies were looking the other way thanking their respective makers it was me and not them. And the girl I had been smiling at just shook her head slowly and turned away. Presumably to smile at someone else.
Not one person asked how I was doing!!??
And what do you do after something like that?
No hole suddenly sprung up to hide in, you know. No. I stepped up to the emergency stop button and pressed it. Looked around with as much dignity as was humanly possible to muster, pursed my lips, lifted my shoulders and said: “A little late…I know.”
Then I scurried off and hid in the showers.
Originally posted by shavixmirWhat is your job anyway? I wish i had the time at work to type thousands of words of meaningless crap 😉 sounds embarrassing though
Oh. So you think you know what embarrassment is, do you? Well Sonny boy, you really don’t know shame, like I know shame!
I am slightly prone to embarrassing situations. It’s like I’m a shame-magnet of sorts. But nothing in this dear, sweet, precious world prepared me for what I just had to go through.
I was at the gym where I do my cardio-fat burning- ...[text shortened]... d my shoulders and said: “A little late…I know.”
Then I scurried off and hid in the showers.
"I, as from 15 minutes ago, have bigger problems on my mind."
This can't be what you were talking about!
Regardless, I can't say I've done the same. However, I have laughed at many a people and their misfortunes and I will continue to do so without detriment to my conscience.
Originally posted by shavixmirHey, at least you didn't get slung head first into a wall in front of your whole class. Trick is to laugh at yourself. 😛
Oh. So you think you know what embarrassment is, do you? Well Sonny boy, you really don’t know shame, like I know shame!
I am slightly prone to embarrassing situations. It’s like I’m a shame-magnet of sorts. But nothing in this dear, sweet, precious world prepared me for what I just had to go through.
I was at the gym where I do my cardio-fat burning- ...[text shortened]... d my shoulders and said: “A little late…I know.”
Then I scurried off and hid in the showers.