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General Forum

  1. Wat?
    Joined
    16 Aug '05
    Moves
    76863
    26 Jul '14 08:31
    I don't think I mentioned my mate Bubba before:

    He was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
    "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

    Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
    "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
    "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
    "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

    And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

    Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
    After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

    "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

    So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
    Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

    Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
    His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
  2. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
    Joined
    14 Jul '07
    Moves
    43012
    26 Jul '14 08:35
    Originally posted by mikelom
    I don't think I mentioned my mate Bubba before:

    He was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
    "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out t ...[text shortened]... ope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
    Ha,
  3. rebel city
    Joined
    20 Jun '09
    Moves
    74241
    26 Jul '14 10:51
    Originally posted by mikelom
    I don't think I mentioned my mate Bubba before:

    He was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
    "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out t ...[text shortened]... ope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
    Very funny. πŸ™‚
  4. SubscriberPonderable
    chemist
    Linkenheim
    Joined
    22 Apr '05
    Moves
    526422
    26 Jul '14 11:48
    I heard that story on a course, where the teacher wanted us to realize that not everybody knew us automatically.

    It was titled: Only Peter is known by all.
  5. Wat?
    Joined
    16 Aug '05
    Moves
    76863
    26 Jul '14 12:05
    Originally posted by Tabitha Marshall
    Very funny. πŸ™‚
    More?

    No offence to my Irish friends here... but you know the old adage....

    -----------

    Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV.

    Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?"

    "Do what?" asked Mick.

    "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy, rainin', snowin', hailin'?

    Why would they torture themselves like that?"

    "Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros?

    "Yeah, I understand that," said Seamus; "But why do all the others do it?"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side up.
    He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-side down, so he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan.
    He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen, but he won't say what it is, so he asks Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.
    He leads Fr.Flanagan into the kitchen, and asks him what he sees on the floor.
    "Well", says the priest, "It's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that it was butter-side up."
    "No, Father. I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy.

    "Oh my Lord," says Fr. Flanagan. "Dropped toast never falls butter-side up. It's a miracle..wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll have to report this matter to the Bishop, and he'll have to deal with it. He'll send some people round to interview you, take photos, etc."

    A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome. No expense is spared.
    There is great excitement in the town, as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much needed
    tourism revenue.

    Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling:

    "It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe. Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out. Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared, and thus 'No Miracle' because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!" πŸ˜‰

    -m.
  6. Standard memberredbadger
    Suzzie says Badger
    is Racist Bastard
    Joined
    09 Jun '14
    Moves
    10079
    26 Jul '14 12:11
    Originally posted by mikelom
    More?

    No offence to my Irish friends here... but you know the old adage....

    -----------

    Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV.

    Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?"

    "Do what?" asked Mick.

    "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after ...[text shortened]... iracle' because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!" πŸ˜‰

    -m.
    they get betterπŸ™„
  7. rebel city
    Joined
    20 Jun '09
    Moves
    74241
    26 Jul '14 12:16
    Originally posted by mikelom
    More?

    No offence to my Irish friends here... but you know the old adage....

    -----------

    Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV.

    Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?"

    "Do what?" asked Mick.

    "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after ...[text shortened]... iracle' because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!" πŸ˜‰

    -m.
    Hilarious..

    P.S. I am Irish also, no offense. πŸ˜‰
  8. Wat?
    Joined
    16 Aug '05
    Moves
    76863
    26 Jul '14 13:48
    Originally posted by Tabitha Marshall
    Hilarious..

    P.S. I am Irish also, no offense. πŸ˜‰
    These are true excerpts from ladies typing for their local churches, in church magazines and making local announcements.

    1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    2. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
    The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

    3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

    4. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    5. Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir.
    They need all the help they can get.

    6. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow....

    7. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
    Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    8. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    9. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

    10. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

    11. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM ..
    The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

    12. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

    13 πŸ˜€

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:

    'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
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