A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner, during the
course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome
Paul's flatmate, Simon, was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.
Reading his mums thoughts, Paul volunteered, "I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flatmates".
About a week later, Simon came to Paul saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you
don't suppose she took it do you?" "Well I doubt it, but I'll email
her just to be sure" said Paul. So he sat down and wrote:
DEAR MOTHER, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM
MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN,
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE
HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PAUL
Several days later, Paul received an email from his mother which
read:
DEAR SON, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH SIMON, AND I'M
NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH SIMON, BUT THE FACT REMAINS
THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE
FRYING PAN
BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
Originally posted by dan182Bruno Pasquali was a great violinist for the Los Angeles Philharmonic.
A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner, during the
course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome
Paul's flatmate, Simon, was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if ...[text shortened]... N HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE
FRYING PAN
BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
So one day he was at the doctors office for a routine checkup,
the doc says 'any concerns you want to discuss?'
Well, yes as a matter of fact, I have one problem to discuss.
Not sure how to put this, I want to learn how to play Irish music
on the fiddle but my classical music training is getting in the way,
the bowing is all differant, fingering, EVERYTHING is differant.
I've got to learn Irish music, its just been on my mind for a couple
of years now, getting tired of all that classical music, I want a change'
Bruno says.
Doc says, well it turns out we may just have a solution for your
problem. It seems our work with the latest MRI scanners have
shown the brain to be roughly divided into nodes which handle differant
functions and the latest one to be found is the music node, just behind
the cerebrum, there is this knot about the size of a walnut that
handles music. Further, we discovered there are others like you who
want to change the instrument they play or the style, so we developed
this operation that removes a tiny portion of the music node and
you are free to go on and develop your new style.
Bruno says "DOC, I'LL DO ANYTHING, got to learn that Irish music".
So the doc says I have an time slot open in three days, come back
and we can do the proceedure.
So three days later, old Bruno shows up, they prep him for the
operation, using x-rays to guide the surgeons hands through a
small hole drilled in his head. The doc is right in the node ready to
do that little cut and just then, WHAM, a 7 scale richter earthquake
hits and the little knive cuts halfway through his brain.
When the earthquake passed, the stunned surgeon pulls out his
knife and closes up the hole as best he can and puts Bruno in
the recovery room.
He seems better after a few hours and they roll him, still unconscious,
to his private room, the one with the big High Definition TV and
remote control and computer hooked to broadband ready for Bruno
when he recovers enough to get bored.
So three days pass, Bruno is still in a coma.
Four days. Five days.
The Doc is really beginning to worry now, he daydreams about
twenty million dollar lawsuits coming up.
Finally on the 6th day, Bruno wakes up.
The doc sees he is aware now so starts to talk to him in a
bit of a quavering voice, 'Son, I don't think you are going to be able
to play Irish music any more, there was a small problem in the
operating room....
SHEIT DOC, Its ok, Hey, got a beer? I want to play some BLUEGRASS!
Originally posted by dan182I liked that.
A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner, during the
course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome
Paul's flatmate, Simon, was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if ...[text shortened]... N HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE
FRYING PAN
BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
Originally posted by sonhouseDon't you know any one-liners? 😞
Bruno Pasquali was a great violinist for the Los Angeles Philharmonic.
So one day he was at the doctors office for a routine checkup,
the doc says 'any concerns you want to discuss?'
Well, yes as a matter of fact, I have one problem to discuss.
Not sure how to put this, I want to learn how to play Irish music
on the fiddle but my classical music traini ...[text shortened]...
operating room....
SHEIT DOC, Its ok, Hey, got a beer? I want to play some BLUEGRASS!
Originally posted by BowmannHere's a few clean ones....
Don't you know any one-liners? 😞
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no
Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"
Originally posted by Booyah333Give someone an inch.
Here's a few clean ones....
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Two snowmen are standing i ...[text shortened]... :
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"
A guy just come together with a girl.
He´s invited for dinner with her parents. The day before she informed him that his family is sometimes a bit different than other families. He say he could handle it and he will come.
At the day of the dinner he gets his new, supercool leathersaddle for his sports bike. "Bear in mind" the bike shop owner says "to wax it with vaseline before the first rain or the leather may be ruined !"
The guy than hit the paddles and arrive in the nick of time at his girlfriends parents house.
After dinner, the dad states whoever says a word first will have to do the dishes.
The guy thinks okay and everybody just sit and is silent.
After an hour the guy is seriously p... off and gets up and give his girlfriend a nice shaq in front of her parents on the dinning table.
Nobody says a word.
After another hour the guy again thinks okay grabs the still good looking mum and give her a nice shaq on the dinning room table in front of her husband and daughter.
Nobody says a word.
After another hour dark clouds appear and it looks like rain.
Remembering what the bike shop owner said the guy grabs his vaseline to go and wax the bicycle saddle.
"Allright, allright I do the f... dishes, jesus man ! the father yells"
LOL