http://www.cultofbob.co.uk/big-brother/
Hit the link and fill in a few things to create your own episode.
It's a bit static in design as the plot's always the same, only things that change are the values you enter. Still it's good laugh and a comical read!
(Had to edit out a few of the naughty words)
** Red Hot Pawn Big Brother **
Day 1 - Russ admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Nordlys. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Bowmann is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Darvlay later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Daemon Sin creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. XanthosNZ hits him with a toaster.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The Eiffel Tower out of lasagne. After much persuasion by Daemon Sin, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the The Eiffel Tower task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Darvlay, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat barsteward in the house, eats half the lasagne. XanthosNZ is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the The Eiffel Tower task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Darvlay farts and blows The Eiffel Tower over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Nordlys cries.
6 - Daemon Sin gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Nordlys admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a toaster. Russ says he never wears condoms because they make his clock sore and Daemon Sin agrees. Bowmann goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual barstewards. Darvlay sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Daemon Sin.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Russ goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. XanthosNZ and Nordlys are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Russ.
9 - XanthosNZ and Nordlys are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Bowmann sings them a song - Hit Me Baby One More Time - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Nordlys out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Nordlys leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Nordlys's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Bowmann has to make do without the cucumber she requested. XanthosNZ is visibly depressed and is comforted by Daemon Sin, who tries to touch her on her breasts.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Daemon Sin touching XanthosNZ's breasts over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Darvlay refuses to run because his clock hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Darvlay finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. XanthosNZ calls Darvlay a lazy clock.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Russ tells everyone individually that he thinks XanthosNZ is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. XanthosNZ and Daemon Sin are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Russ.
16 - The nominations are announced. XanthosNZ can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Daemon Sin is equally stunned and turns to XanthosNZ for comfort. Darvlay is distraught and confesses to Bowmann that he thinks he is in love with Daemon Sin. Bowmann says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Daemon Sin out of the house. XanthosNZ says she is gutted and even gives Daemon Sin a clipping of hair from her breasts to prove how much she cares. Darvlay is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Daemon Sin leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of XanthosNZ clipping the hair from her breasts. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Azerbijan in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Azerbijan sounds like but Darvlay says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Russ as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Russ successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Azerbijan but also God Save The Queen, Hit Me Baby One More Time and the theme tune to M.A.S.H. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Russ tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Darvlay and Bowmann are nominated.
23 - Darvlay and Bowmann take their nominations well and sit down with Russ and XanthosNZ to discuss why they voted for them. Russ keeps quiet but XanthosNZ accuses Darvlay of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred clock before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Bowmann out of the house and nobody really gives a shoot.. Bowmann leaves.
25 - Russ becomes the first housemate to have a wink. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Russ's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a winker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Ark13 dung using only a toaster. Russ is unsure but Darvlay is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Darvlay breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Ark13 incident from his childhood. XanthosNZ tries to persuade him to stay but Russ sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Darvlay decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Ark13 dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by XanthosNZ from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Russ asks XanthosNZ to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Russ nominates XanthosNZ to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does XanthosNZ.
30 - When the nomination is announced, XanthosNZ graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Russ is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Russ takes his £70,000 and runs away to Azerbijan. Nobody, including XanthosNZ, ever sees him again.
"...set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Canada Tower out of chutney. After much persuasion by bbarr, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task."
"Havoc ensues when ivanhoe, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the chutney. Starrman is furious."
"...ivanhoe sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up bbarr."
"...Starrman calls ivanhoe a lazy chode."
"...ivanhoe is distraught and confesses to Nyxie that he thinks he is in love with bbarr. "
"Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Canada sounds like but ivanhoe says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose DoctorScribbles as the one who must complete the task...burps not only the National Anthem of Canada but also God Save The Queen, Fitter Happier and the theme tune to Spaced."
"...Starrman graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that DoctorScribbles is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen...viewing figures go through the roof. DoctorScribbles takes his £70,000 and runs away to Canada. Nobody, including Starrman, ever sees him again."
Originally posted by Daemon SinBowmann gone, Xanthos gone...
http://www.cultofbob.co.uk/big-brother/
Hit the link and fill in a few things to create your own episode.
It's a bit static in design as the plot's always the same, only things that change are the values you enter. Still it's good laugh and a comical read!
(Had to edit out a few of the naughty words)
** Red Hot Pawn Big Brother **
Day 1 ...[text shortened]... and runs away to Azerbijan. Nobody, including XanthosNZ, ever sees him again.
The prophecy is starting to become true!
