> > > A middle aged man bought a brand new Holden Monaro. He took off down
>the
> > > road, pushed it up to 130 kmph,and was enjoying the wind blowing
>through
> > his
> > > (thinning) hair.
> > >
> > > This is great, he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.
>But
> > > then he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there was a Police Car
>behind
> > him,
> > > blue lights flashing. I can get away from him with no problem thought
> > the man
> > > and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 kmph to
> > escape
> > > being stopped.
> > >
> > > Then he thought, What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind
>of
> > > thing and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the
>Police
> > car to
> > > catch up with him.
> > >
> > > The Policeman pulled in behind the Monaro and walked up on the driver's
> > > side. Sir my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th.
>If
> > > you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never
>heard
> > > before, I'll let you go.
> > >
> > > The man looked back at the Policeman and said, Last week my wife ran
>off
> > > with a policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back.
> > >
> > > The Policeman said, Have a nice day. 😀🙂😉😛😕
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your
failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for
the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the
transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are
introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same
twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
"interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is
a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day"
in memory of the failure to clearly elect your own government.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Originally posted by dylLOL the whole thing was funny and I wouldnt be supprised if alot of us dont know about "the would outside our borders"😞
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard.
but I cat speek for the rest of us, but I think its extremly easy to tell bettwen English and Australian accents.....but that might be because I stayed 3 months in Australia once and 2 week in England😀
Originally posted by UncleAdamYeah that would be why. New Zealand accents, on the other hand, are a little trickier to pick. They get very sick of being called Australian.
LOL the whole thing was funny and I wouldnt be supprised if alot of us dont know about "the would outside our borders"😞
but I cat speek for the rest of us, but I think its extremly easy to tell bettwen English and Australian accents.....but that might be because I stayed 3 months in Australia once and 2 week in England😀