Hey belgianfreak.... Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! I wave my private parts at your aunties you second-hand electric donkey bottom biter! I don't want to talk to you no more you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! Go and boil your bottoms you son of a silly person!
Did that help at all? I hope so. I'd hate to have to taunt you a second time!
Just remember to always look on the bright side of life...
😀🙄😀🙄😀🙄😀🙄😀🙄
Originally posted by belgianfreakGo to cabinessence.cream.org and listen to the Real Audio files therein. My reaction to them was something like this:
make me smile. tell me something that makes it all worthwhile, that makes you smile every day
Jon - the worlds most boring poster who needs cheering up
🙂😕😀😕😕😲🙁🙁:'(😞😴😲😕😕🙂🙂😀🙄🙄😀😀😀😕🙄🙄😵😵😵😏😏😴
PS 😵 = feeling of Zen-like oneness with world
😏 = afterglow of 😵
TURN AWAY NOW IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED
Classic Brass Eye quotes:
If this were really happening, what would you think?
Institutionalised cruelty is one thing, but the twisted brain-wrong of a one-off man-mental is quite another.
Find out exactly what to think - next!
Should we revive our ailing culture, or should we just put it out of it's misery. Or, should we bring it back to life - and then shoot it for letting us down so badly!
The orgy of slywinking usery was only brought to an end by a stairwell noncebashing which left North braindead and quadraspazzed on a life-glug.
Well just a moment to recap on the state of Britain. Your phone calls tonight have been described variously as rabid, pig-ignorant, and stultifyingly ill-informed. _Thanks_ for those.
So far, have we got it right or wrong? Let's take a look at the Answer Prancer -
The broadcaster and entertainer Clive Anderson has been shot dead, by television host Noel Edmonds at his house in Cornwall this evening.
What do you get if you take the 'u' out of drugs? Drgs, and have you ever heard of anyone getting addicted to Drgs?
While cruelty to animals still makes our hearts bleed like fresh operation scars in a hot bath, our daily language is full of abuse with expressions like "frog stupid"
If you take a seal and hit it very hard in the face every day for six weeks, you may.. turn it into a very fetching hat.
(Referring to the bible) We've had this book analysed - it reads like the rantings of a drugged horse!
I'd get more, but I can't find all the transcripts. 😳
Now go and buy the DVD! That should cheer you up! 😵
Hey there Jon, in times such as this I recommend turning to the wisdom of one man (or maybe two, Acolyte is right, Chris Morris is superb):-
Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom
Marge: Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries
Homer (to aliens who abducted Simpson family) : Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Homer: Operator, give me the number for nine-one-one!
Homer: And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
Lisa: It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.
Homer: Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television.
Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.
Homer: Donuts...is there anything they CAN'T do?
Homer: All right brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
Homer's brain: It's a deal!
[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]
Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! Oh [sigh], twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services
Homer: Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover
Homer: Kids, kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers
Homer: Lisa honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal
Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.
Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, goodnight.
An easy to read, not particularly challenging or demanding, superbly funny book is "Are You Dave Gorman" by the stand-up comedian Dave Gorman. It's helped personally to ease a fall or stumble on more than one occasion.
For sublimity, subtlety, and simply sheer beauty I can't recommend strongly enough the film "Amélie", also known as "Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain" and "Amélie of Montmatre". It's a French art house stylee film, released in 2001. It's also the best film I've ever seen, and the most warming, life-affirming thing I've ever encountered. It's so much more than a sickly sweet love story centred around a naive young lady in Paris, so much so that I feel sorry for anyone who sees only that. It's about finding delight in the details of life, it's about affecting people's lives in ways that are touched by magic and performed in secret, it's about a person's internal struggle to find the confidence and strength to like oneself, and to be oneself. Thinking about it, it's as though there are scores of separate mini-stories somehow wonderfully woven together. The soundtrack is fantastic (the music for "the glass man" - track 4 on the actual soundtrack - is the most gorgeous 3 minutes of twinkling sparkling piano genius). Please watch it.
I dunno, it's hard to suggest things that make it all worthwhile, since by their nature they are very personal things. And there's the rub. I think it's important just to find what works for you, and that can take time as one progresses in understanding oneself and finding out about oneself, and also it can be found in the most unlikely places. Three years ago when things were personally a little grim the only time I went outside was to go and watch the squirrels. Their aliveness (is that a word?!) and sprightly, seemingly optimistic, buoyant, ebulliant nature was the perfect antidote for what I was feeling. Nowadays, Amélie (amongst other things) does the trick. I mean, you might think the Dave Gorman book is ridiculous tomfoolery, that squirrels are no more than small mammals with big tails, and that Amélie is overblown sentimental tosh, and that'd be perfectly understandabe, since no two people are alike. But that's why recommendations are priceless, most of the time they don't work, but sometimes, sometimes they do.
Mark
ok then i have a mass amount of funny quotes ill post em here for you all to have a laugh.
A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.
Also only in america do they have a general looking after the post office and a secretary looking after defense.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella for fair weather and ask for it back when it rains.
I will get some more funny ones soon ok people.Stay cool and stay with RHP can someone please check the site alienaa.com i posted it aso in another post but this will kinda be confirmation.
Originally posted by T1000My choice for a superbly funny book would be: "Right ho Jeeves" by P.G. Wodehouse. Very funny stuff, a masterful use of the English language.
An easy to read, not particularly challenging or demanding, superbly funny book is "Are You Dave Gorman" by the stand-up comedian Dave Gorman. It's helped personally to ease a fall or stumble on more than one occasion.
For sublimity, subtlety, and simply sheer beauty I can't recommend strongly enough the film "Amélie", also known as "Le Fabuleux dest ...[text shortened]... ns are priceless, most of the time they don't work, but sometimes, sometimes they do.
Mark
I have seen "Amelie". I thought it was a very good movie, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that it was the best of all time. Even after twentyseven years, "Annie Hall" has lost none of its charm for me. That is my film recommendation.
When I used to be in the need for an uplifting moment, I would put in my tape of game five of the 1984 World Series (Detroit Tigers vs. San Diego Padres), which I always kept rewound to the spot where Kirk Gibson came up to the plate in the eighth inning against Goose Gossage. Gossage talked Padres manager Dick Williams out of having him intentionally walk Gibson. On his second pitch, Gibson crushed a massive home run to right field to put the game out of reach. The following scene where he rounds the bases, pumps his fists, and loses his helmet is one of indescribable joy to Tigers fans. 😵