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General Forum

  1. Standard memberSeitse
    Doug Stanhope
    That's Why I Drink
    Joined
    01 Jan '06
    Moves
    33672
    03 May '15 23:412 edits
    The Where-Is-My-Head Type WIMH™

    From the moment you search for 15 minutes at home for the car keys to the moment in which your assistant asks for the third time "have you sharpened the guillotine's blade?", one word and one word only keeps bounding in your head: "did I turn off the gas stove?" Hilarious misunderstandings, forgetfulness, and disorganization plague your work as a bringer of just death, but sometimes you just wish you'd be able to be as sharp as a knife, get in, do your job with cutting precision, and get out. Last time the head didn't roll because the blade couldn't cut the vertebrae and your peers stared at you in disbelief. Now you don't want that every single day at the office, do you?

    The Fetus-Head-Spotter Type FHS™

    You love your job and you carry it out with surgical precision. Yeah, those pets you tortured during childhood made too much noise and took too long to bleed to death, but now, with the help of the M-16 semiautomatic with laser pinpoint, you even ask in those rare days (when you win the lottery and there's a pregnant woman to be executed) about the estimated whereabouts of the creature she's carrying inside. Hey, there's no law banning 2 gunshots, right? You were born to do this.

    The Gloomy-Sparky-Grumpy Type GSG™

    There was a time, long ago, when you got all moist by excitement when switching the electricity on. The sparks and fumes emanating from the shaking body strapped to the chair reflected on your dark, wide Ray Bans like Chinese New Year fireworks over the placid waters of the Hudson River. But no more. Now, even the botched executions where eyes pop out of their sockets and the faces start to melt produce in you a flat, gloomy "meh" and every time you go back home you ask yourself: "when did I lose my groove?"

    The Entrepreneurial-Gunho-Dreamer EGD™

    Yeah, when at executioner school you graduated to the gas chamber, you gleefully could see the envy in the eyes of your peers --particularly those with Aryan Brotherhood tattoos. Everyday, you go to the office with the strength of 10,000 bulls and a burning desire to do your job flawlessly and as many times as needed. Hell! If you could stuff more people into that chamber, you'd do it! But it is not to be, and you're growing more and more frustrated everyday because you cannot execute as many as you'd like to, sending you into a deep blues.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Excerpt taken from Seitse's latest book:
    Put the Love in Sociopath!
    A Journey Through Happiness At The Workplace

    American Samoa University Press. Seitse 2015 © All Rights Reserved

    "Thumbs up!" Amarillo Daily News
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  2. Standard memberSeitse
    Doug Stanhope
    That's Why I Drink
    Joined
    01 Jan '06
    Moves
    33672
    04 May '15 19:56
    CALL NOW!
  3. Account suspended
    Joined
    01 May '15
    Moves
    195
    04 May '15 21:59
    vanity press publishing house.

    editor. seitse.

    i wrote a book once. i knew someone who wrote a book once. i almost knew someone who had someone pay for a book that someone wrote once.

    it is not what is published, it is what is publishable.
  4. Standard memberSeitse
    Doug Stanhope
    That's Why I Drink
    Joined
    01 Jan '06
    Moves
    33672
    04 May '15 22:22
    How many times does one have to flush you until you go away?
  5. SubscriberPonderable
    chemist
    Linkenheim
    Joined
    22 Apr '05
    Moves
    526108
    05 May '15 10:091 edit
    Originally posted by Seitse
    How many times does one have to flush you until you go away?
    Read all about that in Seitsse's new fiction book:

    The Flush
    annoying stories from the place the emperor visits by himself
  6. Standard memberredbadger
    Suzzie says Badger
    is Racist Bastard
    Joined
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    Moves
    10079
    05 May '15 11:59
    Originally posted by Seitse
    How many times does one have to flush you until you go away?
    ya cant polish a turd mate and he is probably the biggest one on here.
  7. SubscriberPonderable
    chemist
    Linkenheim
    Joined
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    526108
    08 May '15 11:33
    Originally posted by redbadger
    ya cant polish a turd mate and he is probably the biggest one on here.
    and another bestseller due in the next few month:

    Turd polishing - an introduction

    by Red
  8. Standard memberredbadger
    Suzzie says Badger
    is Racist Bastard
    Joined
    09 Jun '14
    Moves
    10079
    08 May '15 12:15
    Originally posted by Ponderable
    and another bestseller due in the next few month:

    Turd polishing - an introduction

    by Red
    Red Badgers New best seller" How to Piss on some ones chips"
  9. SubscriberPonderable
    chemist
    Linkenheim
    Joined
    22 Apr '05
    Moves
    526108
    12 Jun '15 12:42
    Originally posted by redbadger
    Red Badgers New best seller" How to Piss on some ones chips"
    shouldn't that be: "you to get people to piss on your chips"?
  10. Account suspended
    Joined
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    143494
    12 Jun '15 21:27
    tickler & punkrock dj
  11. Subscribermoonbus
    Uber-Nerd
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    19 Jun '15 21:34
    "The covers are too far apart." --Ambrose Bierce (reviewing a book, the title of which escapes me)
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