Smoking or chewing

Who here does what?? 😛

Originally posted by Ice Cold
Who here does what?? 😛

I hope this isn't a set-up for the terrible pun about the relative numbers of smokers and chewers and a fictional, moustachioed Chinese fellow.

I quit smoking two months ago and I'm still driven bonkers by the desire for a cigarette on a basically daily basis. Chewing is next-level disgusting, but I've considered it frequently lately.

Originally posted by ChronicLeaky
I hope this isn't a set-up for the terrible pun about the relative numbers of smokers and chewers and a fictional, moustachioed Chinese fellow.

😞 It was

Originally posted by Ice Cold
😞 It was

No need to be 😞. I'm quite pleased that others have heard that terrible pun, because I love terrible puns.

Originally posted by ChronicLeaky
No need to be 😞. I'm quite pleased that others have heard that terrible pun, because I love terrible puns.

You must be my best friend then. 🙂

Well let's have it then.

Originally posted by tomtom232
Well let's have it then.

Many men smoke, but Fu Manchu.

Originally posted by ChronicLeaky
Many men smoke, but Fu Manchu.

You think that was terrible? How about these two?

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.


Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ...A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Originally posted by tomtom232
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ...A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

This is inspired.

Originally posted by ChronicLeaky
This is inspired.

there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Originally posted by tomtom232
there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Bob: So Ray, I heard you and Hugh have got a new job at the burger shack...
Ray: Yeah...*sigh*
Bob: Why the long face? I thought you wanted that job?!
Ray: I did, but I don't like the way our pay is set up.
Bob: What's wrong with it?
Ray: Well, Hugh and I are paid piecemeal rate. Which is to say, that we're paid for every burger that we sell. It's not very fair though. Regardless of how many either one of us sells, at the end of the day our boss adds up the total and divides it even amongst the two.
Bob: Well what's so wrong with that?
Ray: Well, since I do believe in honest and hard work, my count is usually pretty high. Hugh, however, is such a slacker! He takes smoke breaks all the time and doesn't try nearly as hard to increase his count! So it kinda ticks me off that most of my hard work is paying for him to slack off!
Bob: That's not fair at all! You should say something to your boss!
Ray: I dunno...I'm half tempted to just let it slide...I don't really want to confront Hugh about it, we're such good friends.







(Wait for it...)







(Waiiiiiit for it...)






Bob: Ask not what your count, Ray, can do for Hugh. Ask what Hugh can do for your count, Ray.

Originally posted by tomtom232
Well let's have it then.

That's what she said. 😀

One day my friend Ron and I were walking past a Synagogue, and there was this chap outside looking a bit glum. So we asked him what was up, and he said that he wasn't circumcised and so really wasn't sure if he was really a Jew. So, Ron explained that if he could name the 5 books of the Pentateuch he was probably Jewish.

So this chap gave it a go:
"Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus...emm...Numbers?...yeah..."
However, he couldn't for the life of him remember the last one!

So I said,

"My man! Don't despare! You're a Jew to Ron and me!"

Originally posted by ChronicLeaky
I hope this isn't a set-up for the terrible pun about the relative numbers of smokers and chewers and a fictional, moustachioed Chinese fellow.

I quit smoking two months ago and I'm still driven bonkers by the desire for a cigarette on a basically daily basis. Chewing is next-level disgusting, but I've considered it frequently lately.

Good for you you stopped, the people around you thank you for not polluting their air, you body will eventually thank you by giving you about ten more years of healthy life, your lungs will actually look pink again, all that because you stopped using the original gateway drug.

Originally posted by ChronicLeaky
No need to be 😞. I'm quite pleased that others have heard that terrible pun, because I love terrible puns.

So Sherlock Feghoot found himself in the 19th century on an early steam powered Gallion, around 1830, he introduced himself to the captain, hello sir, my name is Sherlock and my friend here is Dr Watt' son. We are going to try to make your boilers more efficient if you wish, what do you say, can we try? So the captain agreed and they set up shop in the ships engine room, well they did something wrong and the boiler blew up and took almost everyone out but sherlock and Dr Watt's son. Well they were picked up by another steamer and told the same tale to the captain, and were allowed to modify that boiler, which promptly blew up as well. They managed to get picked up by yet another steamer, went through the same routine again and again. Finally they were picked up by the Queens navy and brought up on charges. When they were questioned by the authorities, he answered, well sirs, we were conducting experiments in fuel efficiency and we were trying to get 100 miles to the gallion.