How to win a game of chess

I let my opponent have the opening/space advantage and then I look to counter-attack.

...Well I do that against strong players.
For weak players or people who don't take the center I just do what I can to complicate the position and look for tactics.

One time my friend said, you missed a mate in 3 and took pieces. I said why just mate the guy, why not take all his pieces, and then mate the guy, that way next game he'll say that's the jerk that took all my pieces and mated me.

I wait for my opponent to lose.

I strive for boring endgames and hope that my opponent falls asleep.

Originally posted by heinzkat
Well, tell us, how do YOU do it?

And to keep it interesting, please, refrain from using names of chess pieces or any other chess terminology, like "attack" or "defend".

Originally posted by AThousandYoung
Move my piece of wood toward the other guy's tall piece of wood until he gives up.

I punch until he knocks out and then I keep on punchin'

Originally posted by heinzkat
I punch until he knocks out and then I keep on punchin'

YouTube

Originally posted by Maxacre42
What if he's like this guy? He'll be the one who keeps on punching after he's knocked out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QW88_eFLSVs&feature=related

''keep on fighting no matter what'' they told him before the fight. What fighting spirit! Bobby never quits.

Originally posted by Double G
I wait for my opponent to lose.