Mosquito on c4, kicking under table, pubic hair, farting, massage chess girl ---

This is a blog-like (*where are blog tools?!) thread about just finished OTB tournament Lucky Dino group A, Sliema in Malta.
I‘ll post it in three iece, since there is a limit in MB in pone post. RHP tools were hostile, I felt boykotted and if it doesn’t look good, Admin can delete the thread.

I had two EasyJet flights – Belgrade-Geneve and Geneve-Amsterdam – and one train trip from Schiphol to get to The Hague. But not to Court. My nephew drove me to to my cousin’s empty house under refurbishing.
Link 1 for the house = hidden:
Reveal Hidden Content

Link 2 for the house = hidden:
Reveal Hidden Content
Link 3 for the house = hidden:
Reveal Hidden Content

I walked to my auntie’s building next morning and said in her interphone: “Here’s a postman from Belgrade”, but he saw me already on the screen.
Next day I attended Nick Cave’s gig at Wordl Forum just across ICTY court.

Link 4 – audio record of the gig:::hidden
Reveal Hidden Content


And then – trip to Malta to take part in small rating tournament.

Link to youtube slide from The Hague, trip and Malta.
YouTube : Malta Everyday
If youtube thumbnail doesn’t work as i usually doesn’t in my posts look for link her = hidden
Reveal Hidden Content


Finally, chess.
I had “studied” several books before the tournament, 2 pieces of Bora Ivkov (“Enchanted by Chess”, and “My first 60 years in chess&rsquo😉, and “I play against pieces” by Gligoric. I leafed thorugh one book about endings, and two Russian books, by Karpov with his games and Suetin’s biography on Boleslavskiy.

I got new idol – Ivkov.

I had the lowestt rating in group A.
Tempo was very fast – only 90 minutes for whole game plus 30 sec extra for each move. Almost rapid.
In first round I tried – as a Black – to win some rating points by means of Dutch defense, in honour of my stay in The Hague and Dutch branche (*in fact only living branch) of my family, against a Roumanian player.

Before the I round the referee held a speech. Here is audio record plus first hour of silence of my game in I round::::= hidden link.
Reveal Hidden Content


I round



In 2nd round I got so-called “bye” due odd number of players. I was anxious to play but I went to the beach where I slipped on a piece of sea grass on the wooden moll and almost got killed. I was afraid I broke my big toe and maybe something more, but I just got on my feet and like limping sea lion or stumbling old bat I walked into the water. It felt so good. Later, when I was drying on the sun, I saw blood on my foot. Luckilly I didn’t need to use my travel insurane. It was hard to wear sandals though.

3rd Round

I came on time, sat at the board and played 1. d4 because on database I saw that my opponent O’Donogue, some Irishman, plays Bogo-Queen-Nimzoindian defense. He wasn’t there. I was worried that I could stay without second game in a row. I didn’t even know how he looked like, but data base said he was pretty young. He missed 1st round.

Amongst participants of group B, I noticed an Asian girl-woman with angry face, She looked as room made or Chinese massage girl from comedies of the kind that they first seduce rich bastarda and then kill him. She also played Leningrad variation of Dutch defense. But soon I realized that she has Maltese domicile – I discovered that all Maltese players use Dutch defense, and even as White they play Bird’s opening.

My Irish opponent finally showed up but he sat down at the wrong table and became to play with wrong opponent. He realized that after one move and then he finally moved to my table. I was happy not to miss another game.

It would tourn out that he will be late for literaly every game. He smelled as unwashed (he wore same shirt all the time, I noticed later), and I began to hate him from very first moment. He showed a cynical smile and had slow, cat-like movement and held his head awry as he wanted to seduce his fee male prole officer. He showed tremendous amount of contempt on his face. He played 1. … e6.

This game put shame on my chess reputation, because I made patzerish mistake in a dead won Rook ending.

Since II round I thougt I saw pubic hairs on my boards in each rounds. Whose?!
And a mosquito landed on field c4 in this game when Black took Knight on c3… Sinister…



O’ Donogue continued to be late on later games and always got into zeitnods.

Part 2/ of 3
IV round
Another nail in my chess coffin was next round when I refused draw offer and lost.

I played with Dominic Lawson, who made that interview with Kasparoff. Before the game, I asked him if he was that man, and yes he was, and I mentioned the RHP thread – “What did they say?!” he aksed, and I forgot to ask him if he ever was husband of Nigella Lawson, but I managed to mention Geoff Chandler – maybe he met famous Scottish club player? Nej and nix, he did not. And we began our game.

Ok, this pgn boykottes me and after 27th move it can go no further.
After this position –

it followed:
28. Re2 Be7 29. h4 Bf8
Here he offered a draw. I declined, because I “saw clear way to exchange his Knight and then put my own Knight on d5 and then to choke him in the ending”; what a mistake.}
30. Rde1 Be7 31. Qe3 Bf8 32. Kg2
To defend Pe4, so that I can move Knight.
32…Nd7
He got a good idea!
[b 33. g4?[/b](I still had time to make a draw if I played Qf3 at some point soon.}[/b]33. …Nf6 34. Kf3? Nxe4![/b] and I am now lost. Foolish. I played till 54th move, though.

This was forst double-rounds day and after an hour’s break we played

Round 5th

Do you remember that Ivkov vs. Korchnoi game?



Well I played as Black against Englishman Wheldon and I wanted to emulate both Ivkov and Korchnoi; I was close to draw but as usual I saw ghosts and lost.



In this position, instead of …Qe8, which would give some chances to me, I played Bd7.

Next day agan double-round day.

I lost the last remained shreds of honour when I offered a draw and lost.

Round 6th

As white I repeated 4. Bd3 variation against woman FM from Deutschland.



But when I played 17. Bc3 I had in mind famous bunder made by Borislav Ivkov in 1965.



In his book I had read befoe this tournament, Ivkov confessed one last detail from that probably most famous blunder “after which nothing was the same ever again”:::I walked by thia fellow Garcia before their game and thought “This guy could be my grave digger!”

I would like to ask Ivkov what he had in mind – that Garcia was ugly as beaten by ugly stick, or just that he sense Garca was bad person?

My favourite pub for night caps was Crow’s Nest in Sait Julian’s. It was either Paulaer beer or in and tonic. They have VH1 on their screens, and each time I travel to Malta end get to this pub I get reminded how I stopped watching video spots. So it is fine opportunity to refresh knowledge – how those singers and bands I only lsten on the radio really look.

part 3/ of 3 (*it was refused due it was inapproproate, I hope now is ok)
Round 7th

Draw as Black. My opponent was old Enlgishman who often giggled to himself or to my moves during the game and commented something I couldn’t hear. He looked as old worn out sea wolf.

During the game a bunch of local women were cockooducking, zwotcing and quarreling like chikens in next room over some game of cards. Donogue was still wearing same shirt and producing same contempting smile to everyone.

Round 8th

I spent 5 hours in my room preparing to game as White against Maltese player who plays Dutch. I avoided Dutch, ok, but I avoided any success as well.



In this position I played Ng4 and thought I outsmarted my opponent. But he just moved his King on h8 wuth his little finger, and I was lost.
I played several move moves, “so as to leran something” which moronic idea as the advice to women to enjoy when raped.

In the 8th round, on the table next to mind, O’Donogue (late as usually) played as Black against Duncan Vella the following line:

1. e4 c5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. Bb5 g5 4. Nxg5 Nf6



This game turned to be the longest one in the round, and ended draw. White gave a piece for 3 or 4 Pawns.

I spent evenings in my favourite restaurant Peperoncino eating gnocchi, beefs, chicken and drinking wine.

There is one thing in Malta and Amsterdam I really hate: black bums that challenge white handsome people by whistling and making comments. I am not a racist (*or maybe I am, who knows), in old Yougodlavia there were many black students during Tito’s era, and I liked them, but those motherfackers are irritating.

I replied twice on that provocation during this staying in Malta – “Fy.ck off, motherfy.cker and so. On one occasion one of them called “pulicija” (police in Maltese), and we had an argument on subject” “if the whistling is a gay provocation”. I said to th black bully in the presence of police officer:
- “Maybe you are latent gay, and want to offer me something, fy.ck off”
Police officer laughed.
- Where do you come from?
- Serbia.
- What do you do in Mala?
- Playing chess.
He smiled and told the black wannabe-bully:
- Don’t provoke people all right?

In other case other black motherfy.cker just shut up and went his way.

9th Round

Finally a victory in last round - against Oliver Said.
I was Black and he was nervous (kicking under the table).
We exchanged kicks several times. O’Donogue was still wearing same shirt and was again late. Air condition was so loud. I forgot bottle with still water in my room.

I played 2 Knights: I remembered a variation 4. Ng5 d5 5. exd5 Nxd5!?, which was supposedly refuted in an old Yugoslavian Chess Messenger by Vladimir Vukovic ages ago. I saw also Shirov’s victory as White on the internet recently, and my small Third World’s Rybka said that Black could have played better (*not. …b5?).

So I played against super GM Shirov as well…

I had also in mind this game played by my new idol Ivkov against Dolmatov in 1985.





My best game in Malta 2015.
Before this game I was the last on ranking table, whilst my opponent had ½ point more.
I saved honour and wasn’t last.





Here he played Rh6 and resigned after Re8+.


* ***

Malta is warm, little toyland, ideal for Cold War period, but even now it looks like forgotten settings for a movie from Hollywood Golden Era.
So many bums from Africa and Balkan, but still…
Watching soccer games on flat screen over gin and tonic, or dine homemade pasta in Italian restaurant with incredibly cheap yet awsome wine.

Eurosong tok place whilst I was there. Serbia got into the final evening, and so did Malta. Song are utter crap, but voting is lika lotto or bingo: you might win. After great dinner and a lot of wine, I was walking along narrow streets of Slijema, and windows of the houses shined blue in the dark: everyone watched that kitch showand laughed competitors’ loth and style but everyone watched. I wento to my room and turned TV on. I was to tired to go to chill-out gin-and-tonic(s). I lied on the bed, no I laid on the bed and did not lie I don’t watch that crap, I was belching and was breathing heavily and watched show like 75 % of World population, except for beduins, hungry poeople and fanatics who are making war.

Two days later I was going to my favourite restaurnt again, and I noticed a woman in white walking into my direction. When she got closer, I stepped down from narrow sidewalk on the road, because I had read it is a kuytume here, that even sheppards show respect to women. I am no sheppard (*no dictionanaries here, so no sure if it is shepard or sheppard) but I like to act lik Romans when with… Greeks. She stopped when she was by meand I noticed she was carrying a wooden box enough for my soul, that her eyes are big and black as in Japanese horror, and she almost flew. She wasn’t particularly beautiful.
- Good evening, Sir – she said – May I as you a question?
For a moment I was tempted to say “yes”, but all those facts I noticed scared me off, and besides I was hungry, and what it is collection money for some good cause, and I need money for tips in restaurant don’t I? And I said:
- No, thanks, sorry! – and I got up hands like I surrender. Her face petrified and she lost smile and looked at me with hatred. And she went further without a word.

Was she epiphany of God, my last chance for Heaven, or a soul hunter with that wooden box ready for my soul (*and I would end as a half meter high doll like in Medieval Age when people weren’t cautious with women they went to bed with…

Later same night, when I was going back to my hotel, with overloaded stomach and pretty drunk, I think I amet her ag...