Original thread was closed so I will post anew
Theorem. 1 does not = chair.
Definition. A lemon is a lemma.
Lemon 1. SHOT = ONE
SHOT + CONE = COT + SHONE
SHONE + RINK = SHRINK + ONE
By Muppet Theory (beyond the scope of this text), SHOT = ONE.
Lemon 2. R = 0
Proof. Assume R does not equal 0. By Lemon 1, SHOT = 1. Multiplying through by R implies SHORT is nonzero, so the ratio KASPAROV/SHORT exists. This reduces to KAAPV/HT.
By the Ideal Gas Law, PV = NRT and therefore KAAPV/HT = KAA(NRT)/HT = KAANR/H.
The area of a parallelogram is A = BH and therefore KAANR/H = K(BH)ANR/H = KBANR = BRANK.
This is a contradiction because B is a FILE, not a RANK, on a chessboard.
Therefore R = 0.
Proof of CHAIR =/= 1: CHAIR = CHAI(0) = 0 =/= 1. QED