1. SubscriberAThousandYoung
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    27 Sep '06 09:05
    Sept. 1 - FREEHOLD IOWA- Landover Baptist Pastor, Ebeneezer Smith used a blowtorch and a sword Sunday morning to demonstrate that Pokemon games and toys are only sugar-coated instruments of the occult and evil.
    Earlier this week at Landover's Wednesday evening service, children's pastor Marty Richards told 714 kids ages 2 through 10 that Pokemon is evil and was sent to this planet under direct orders from Satan himself.

    To drive home his point, Richards burned Pokemon trading cards and video games with a blowtorch and skewered 14 plastic Pokemon action figures with a 40 inch broad sword. Richards then held the sword with all 14 pierced Pokemon figures over a charcoal grill. Richards' 5-year-old son tore the limbs and head off a Pokemon doll and spit on the dismembered carcass.

    During the demonstration, the children chanted: "Burn it. Burn it,'' and "Chop it up. Chop it up.'' "Kill them All!"

    Manufacturers of the hugely popular Pokemon products, including Nintendo and Hasbro Inc., lied openly about Pokemon's association with the occult.

    The national Christian Coalition told The Press on Friday that it fully agrees with Landover Baptist's stand against the ungodly toy industry. "Toy manufacturers are being guided by Satan's minions." One source stated, "Demons are instructing the Nintendo and Hasbro companies on how to corrupt a child's innocence and create a future army of junior Satanists that will one day rule the world!"

    "We agree with Pastor Ebeneezer, and The Landover Baptist Corporation,'' said William Barnes, a spokesman for the national Christian Coalition based in Virginia. "It's a policy issue, a church issue, and a national security issue. We know all about it. We currently fund over 15 campaigns against the Pokemon menace.''

    Pokemon, (pronounced POH-kaymahn), is short for pocket demons. The Devil loving phenomenon began in Japan over 20 years ago. A young boy summoned an evil demon to kill his entire family because they wouldn't buy him a stick of chewing gum at the supermarket. The demon came, and brought with it, other pokemons who jumped into the parents mouths while they were sleeping, and lodged themselves in their tracheas, suffocating an entire family, and setting the boy free to steal their money and buy gum.

    "The whole idea behind Pokemon is to show a child that they can become a "powerful evil force, and they don't have to listen to their parents.'' Landover occult expert, Jonathan Edwards said. "Kids look for different Pokemon demons, find them and utilize their specific powers to create chaos in the home. It can be extremely violent, and the liberal media does not want anyone to know how many families have been torn apart since this menace began. The ultimate goal for a child is to collect them, and once they've collected all of them, they can have anything they wish for. In most cases, the child wishes for complete control over his entire family. The pokemons approach in the still of night, entering the parents mouths and lodging themselves in their tracheas until they suffocate. They then scurry off quietly and return to their masters bed. When authorities arrive, they are shocked to see no evidence of foul play. They observe only a smiling child, fast asleep, surrounded by stuffed animals and 'innocent little' Pokemons."

    Deacon Fred, one of 37 co-pastors of the 125,000-member, fundamentalist-baptist church, said that his "antenna went up" over a year ago. While driving with his kids, he heard them in the back seat talking about "Abra'' and "Cadabra,'' "A chill went down my spine, and a trickle of perspiration dribbled slowly down to the small of my back!" He pulled the car over, took the Pokemon action figures from his children, placed them on the road, got back into the car and backed over them "100 times, until there was nothing left but shards of plastic." The teary eyed children watched from the roadside.

    Pastor Deacon Fred said that he doesn't see why more unsaved folks don't see the Devil's hand in this. "Three of the Pokeman characters sprouts horns!" Another concern, he said, is that children exploring a Pokemon Web site can click to other games, including "Magic: the Gathering,'' a Satanic game similar to Dungeons and Dragons.

    "It's got fancy sugar coating on it, but, underneath, it's Hell's poison,'' Pastor Deacon Fred said.

    Focus on the Family, the Colorado Springs-based Christian organization whose messages reach as many as 5 million people weekly via radio broadcasts, has researched Pokemon, said David Wright , project coordinator the Youth Culture Department. "What we found, is so horrifying, and so schocking, it would drive an unsaved person to the brink of insanity! Godly Christians are the only ones who can see this Satanic attack, we don't expect sinners to understand our ongoing battle with principalities that are not of this world. We do however, expect them to take us very seriously, and to submit to our (God's) authority in destroying these little beasts before they make junior Satanists out of every child on the planet!"

    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1099/pokemon.html
  2. SubscriberAThousandYoung
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    27 Sep '06 09:053 edits
    😲🙄😲🙄😲🙄

    Good thing we have Ebeneezer, Marty and of course GWB to protect all us righteous Americans!
  3. Standard memberreader1107
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    27 Sep '06 10:58
    Yeah, I feel better already, knowing that the future of my country is in the hands of children influenced by Ebeneezer! I'd better buy marshmallows to get ready for the inevitable book burning!
  4. Standard membertelerion
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    27 Sep '06 11:48
    Originally posted by AThousandYoung
    😲🙄😲🙄😲🙄

    Good thing we have Ebeneezer, Marty and of course GWB to protect all us righteous Americans!
    I love Landover Baptist. Great parody site.

    This one however is not a parody site.
    http://bible.com/bibleanswers_result.php?id=221

    There are a lot more. Just google a bit. Crazies everywhere.
  5. Jo'Burg South Africa
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    27 Sep '06 12:32
    Originally posted by telerion
    I love Landover Baptist. Great parody site.

    This one however is not a parody site.
    http://bible.com/bibleanswers_result.php?id=221

    There are a lot more. Just google a bit. Crazies everywhere.
    I like what they say about pokemon at this link. I agree with them.
  6. Standard membertelerion
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    27 Sep '06 13:28
    Originally posted by Nicksten
    I like what they say about pokemon at this link. I agree with them.
    Like I said, they're everywhere.
  7. SubscriberAThousandYoung
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    27 Sep '06 19:09
    Oops. I didn't realize it was a parody site. Sorry!
  8. SubscriberBigDoggProblem
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    27 Sep '06 19:19
    Originally posted by AThousandYoung
    Oops. I didn't realize it was a parody site. Sorry!
    An understandable oversight, given that most fundie sites read like self-parodies.
  9. Jo'Burg South Africa
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    28 Sep '06 06:20
    Originally posted by telerion
    Like I said, they're everywhere.
    😉 you know that!
  10. Standard membermokko
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    28 Sep '06 09:17
    Richards' 5-year-old son tore the limbs and head off a Pokemon doll and.......the children chanted: "Burn it. Burn it,'' and "Chop it up. Chop it up.'' "Kill them All!"

    Deuteronomy 5:17

    Baptist Pastor, Ebeneezer Smith......is evil and was sent to this planet under direct orders from Satan himself.
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