Josephw:
1. Your scripture choice clearly showed your position and you used it as a springboard into your real topic which seemed to be the problem of faithlessness and the role of the bible as the ultimate authority. But I wanted to see you stick to the topic you chose.
2. Your passage doesn’t leave much room for creativity .
3. When I evaluate whether a person has kept the integrity of the passage, I look at how the speaker interprets the passage in his or her sermon. That wasn’t really applicable here as you used the passage only to answer the topic point and your sermon was about something else entirely.
4. There was no confessional touch here. Your fifth paragraph begs for an anecdote from your own experience to illustrate your point. “When my own children were young…” or “I remember as a child…” Something like that. People love to listen to personal stuff. It’s why advice columnists and talk shows are so popular and it’s a good way to resonate with your audience.
5. This sermon was a big improvement over your last entry. It’s more cohesive and linear and I’d be apt to call it persuasive if your sermon was aligned with the topic and your chosen passage. You clearly have deeply held beliefs and with a more disciplined writing process, you could be an effective communicator, either as a speaker or a writer. You’re moving in the right direction.
In my opinion, Pawnhandler was the clear winner. I once had a writing instructor who said “I can teach you to write with technical skill but I can’t teach you to find your own voice and that’s the difference between a good piece of writing and something great.” Pawnhandler’s sermon marries writing skill, adherence to the criteria and a natural and honest voice. Well done.
Originally posted by Mimor In my opinion, Pawnhandler was the clear winner. I once had a writing instructor who said “I can teach you to write with technical skill but I can’t teach you to find your own voice and that’s the difference between a good piece of writing and something great.” Pawnhandler’s sermon marries writing skill, adherence to the criteria and a natural and honest voice. Well done.
Thank you, Mimor. It is a clear consensus that Pawnhandler excelled in this round.
I will leave it to you to post the topic for our next round. I think all who have read these evaluations can see how seriously the judges have taken these sermons. I got a PM from someone today who was very impressed with this thread and how the judges have fairly evaluated all contestants. One of the benefits of this exercise has been to hopefully improve the arguments in this forum as to draw people to an idea and not from an idea.
Originally posted by Mimor Josephw:
1. Your scripture choice clearly showed your position and you used it as a springboard into your real topic which seemed to be the problem of faithlessness and the role of the bible as the ultimate authority. But I wanted to see you stick to the topic you chose.
2. Your passage doesn’t leave much room for creativity .
3. When I evaluate whether a ...[text shortened]... effective communicator, either as a speaker or a writer. You’re moving in the right direction.
Thank you Mimor! I was surprised and happy to read that what I was really saying was not missed. My faith, in this "sermon competition" thread as a means to bringing some sense of order and meaning to the forum, is strengthened.
I will carefully consider your advice and recommendations in my next "sermon".
Originally posted by josephw Thank you Mimor! I was surprised and happy to read that what I was really saying was not missed. My faith, in this "sermon competition" thread as a means to bringing some sense of order and meaning to the forum, is strengthened.
I will carefully consider your advice and recommendations in my next "sermon".
Well, you're going to love the next round. If you don't win this next round, you should hide in shame. Speakin of which, I'm about to ban you from the next round if you don't finish your homework assignment about why Christians can't benefit from therapy. When I was in school we didn't get to go on the field trip if we didn't finish our homework.
Originally posted by kirksey957 It is a clear consensus that Pawnhandler excelled in this round. I think all who have read these evaluations can see how seriously the judges have taken these sermons. One of the benefits of this exercise has been to hopefully improve the arguments in this forum as to draw people to an idea and not from an idea.
I agree. Thanks to all the judges for considering all of the sermons to great depth and for providing constructive feedback. 🙂
Originally posted by kirksey957 Thank you, Mimor. It is a clear consensus that Pawnhandler excelled in this round.
I will leave it to you to post the topic for our next round. I think all who have read these evaluations can see how seriously the judges have taken these sermons. I got a PM from someone today who was very impressed with this thread and how the judges have fairly ...[text shortened]... hopefully improve the arguments in this forum as to draw people to an idea and not from an idea.
Yes, all of the comments have been respectful and well thought out. I too wondered if this was going to perhaps become an occasion of bashing people and ideas. Truly I've enjoyed the chance to write and speak up. Thank you for the opportunity, Rev. and judges!
Originally posted by kirksey957 Just out of curiousity, would any of you be interested in a round where the judges are really disrepectful and make fun of you in a cruel way?
Originally posted by kirksey957 Just out of curiousity, would any of you be interested in a round where the judges are really disrepectful and make fun of you in a cruel way?
Sermon Evaluations, Round 2
26 Jun '07 00:25
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