Teeism
13 Apr '06 12:09Any followers of Teeism on here? If you are not or haven't heard of it then I'm here to spead the word to you.
What is Teeism?
Teeism is the belief that Mr. T is the prophet for, and physical incarnation of, God upon this earth. Adherents of Teeism are called Teeists. They believe that they can only achieve salvation by acknowledging that they are nothing but poor, miserable wretches, cursed by ignorance, compared by Mr. T. Only by acknowledging that they are, in fact, fools, will T be moved to grant them his pity. The symbol of Teeism is a lowercase “t”. You can recognize Teeists by the “t” around their neck, and their houses of worship are likewise decorated by a large “t”. If you do encounter someone with a “t” hung around their neck, it is considered polite conversation to ask them about their worship of Mr. T.
Christians often complain about the use of the symbol, saying that the “t” has been their symbol for 2000 years, to which Teeists respond that if this is the case, then clearly the copyright has expired.
Central tenets of Teeism
* Mr. T is the embodiment of physical, mental, and spiritual perfection, and embodiment of Almighty God upon the physical plane
* His apostles are Face, Hannibal, and Murdock
* In order to pay for the crimes of humanity, Mr. T was imprisoned for a crime he did not commit.
* Mr. T is not the exclusive prophet of God- merely the most bad-ass. If the central figures of all other faiths- Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha- ganged up on Mr. T, he would still kick their collective asses.
* MacGyver is a false prophet
* Those who do not accept Mr. T will be doomed to spend eternity watching MacGyver reruns. That might sound lenient, but consider this: after watching the same MacGyver episode for the 900,000th time, you'll want to kill yourself... and you can't, because you're already dead!!
* The quality of “The X-files” seriously declined in the last few years of the show
Teachings of Teeism
* If someone hits you upon the face, turn the other cheek. Then when he’s preparing to hit that cheek, smack that poor fool in the head like a ton of bricks.
* Parable of the two cows.
* Flying sucks.
Symbols and Rituals of Teeism
* The symbol of the T
* The Drinking of Tea. The tea transubstantiates into the blood of Mr. T, thus it is known as "Drinking T". If you are on the street and hear someone talk about "Drinking T" you can be sure they are a devout Teeist.
* Teeists tend to drive big red-and-black vans, which symbolize the spiritual journey which one embarks upon when becoming a Teeist.
* Teeists wear heavy gold chains around their necks. These chains symbolize the heavy weight placed upon the spirit by being a fool.
* Teeists also have mohawks. These Mohawks symbolize how freakin’ cool it is to have a mohawk.
What is Teeism?
Teeism is the belief that Mr. T is the prophet for, and physical incarnation of, God upon this earth. Adherents of Teeism are called Teeists. They believe that they can only achieve salvation by acknowledging that they are nothing but poor, miserable wretches, cursed by ignorance, compared by Mr. T. Only by acknowledging that they are, in fact, fools, will T be moved to grant them his pity. The symbol of Teeism is a lowercase “t”. You can recognize Teeists by the “t” around their neck, and their houses of worship are likewise decorated by a large “t”. If you do encounter someone with a “t” hung around their neck, it is considered polite conversation to ask them about their worship of Mr. T.
Christians often complain about the use of the symbol, saying that the “t” has been their symbol for 2000 years, to which Teeists respond that if this is the case, then clearly the copyright has expired.
Central tenets of Teeism
* Mr. T is the embodiment of physical, mental, and spiritual perfection, and embodiment of Almighty God upon the physical plane
* His apostles are Face, Hannibal, and Murdock
* In order to pay for the crimes of humanity, Mr. T was imprisoned for a crime he did not commit.
* Mr. T is not the exclusive prophet of God- merely the most bad-ass. If the central figures of all other faiths- Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha- ganged up on Mr. T, he would still kick their collective asses.
* MacGyver is a false prophet
* Those who do not accept Mr. T will be doomed to spend eternity watching MacGyver reruns. That might sound lenient, but consider this: after watching the same MacGyver episode for the 900,000th time, you'll want to kill yourself... and you can't, because you're already dead!!
* The quality of “The X-files” seriously declined in the last few years of the show
Teachings of Teeism
* If someone hits you upon the face, turn the other cheek. Then when he’s preparing to hit that cheek, smack that poor fool in the head like a ton of bricks.
* Parable of the two cows.
* Flying sucks.
Symbols and Rituals of Teeism
* The symbol of the T
* The Drinking of Tea. The tea transubstantiates into the blood of Mr. T, thus it is known as "Drinking T". If you are on the street and hear someone talk about "Drinking T" you can be sure they are a devout Teeist.
* Teeists tend to drive big red-and-black vans, which symbolize the spiritual journey which one embarks upon when becoming a Teeist.
* Teeists wear heavy gold chains around their necks. These chains symbolize the heavy weight placed upon the spirit by being a fool.
* Teeists also have mohawks. These Mohawks symbolize how freakin’ cool it is to have a mohawk.
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